You Dont Have an Accent

*****DISCLAIMER: this is a free write*********

The wind is cold. it is 2 am on the 15th. I was just in front of Mina's house chatting with her and gift. Now the red and blue lights are reflected from my rear view mirror. gift is quiet. I am shit scared.

Officer is stone faced. Stern, almost angry look upon him. Gets straight to it.

"Do you have a license?"
No.
"why not"
I cant get one.
a deputy approaches the other window. they ask for ID. We give them our passports.
"step out of the vehicle"
I'm out. fucking cold wind. Officer is behind me. Gift is in the car being questioned by the deputy.

The officer puts me against the hood of his patrol car. Bright search light in my face. He takes my hands and asks me to put them behind my back.

a fucking criminal.

He pats me down. "do you have any drugs on you?" takes out my wallet, keys everything.
No. Of course not.

Looks at my passport. "are you illegal?"My anger rises.

No.
I am undocumented.

"you dont have an accent"
Ive been here a long time.
"why dont you have a license?"
I cant get one, the laws are messed up. I was brought as a small child. I give him DREAMers 101 in a nutshell.
"hmmm"
yeah. i even have a bachelors
"where did you go to school"
San Jose State.
More feigned interest.
"Wait out here with your hands on the hood"
yes officer

The deputy takes gift out of my car. The officer is going through my passport. deputy takes gift to the back of the patrol car, starts to put him in. "no, put him in the front" says the other.

I cant look at gift. Im fucking scared. I look down. The deputy is going through my car, desperately looking for drugs. I thank the stars i'm a square. My mind runs. is this a 287g city, fuck. i dont have my cell phone with all my numbers. fuck what if they take us in. fuck who do i call. my parents dont have any of my contact's numbers. fuck. fuck. fuck.

I see flashes of 2007. this is worse. We're outside. hands behind our backs. car is searched. wind is freezing. the deputy tries to open my trunk

the key doesnt work. you have to pop it from the front.

She struggles. She is looking hard for drugs. The other officer is looking through his computer, probably running the plates. Mine have a license plate cover, "Alumni San Jose State".

what if they take my car away, what if they take us in. What if. My mind then goes blank. and i think. so what. if they take me in and they take me into detention then fine. it will be over. and i wont have to struggle with this. No.

I find myself suddenly praying. Hypocrite.

Thirty minutes. Then we get our passports back. We ask if we can put them in our pockets

please master. yest master. ok master.

Deputy says yes. we can go.

"Gabriel"
Yes officer. I walk to his window.
" I should take your car and arrest you. But im going to let you go because you seem like a decent guy"
Thanks Officer. I really appreciate ( how you profiled me, searched my car, insulted me and treated me like a criminal) it.

A decent guy. wow

" try to get your license"
I am trying to actively change the laws which prevent me from being able to participate in society. I am working with other organizers to do this so we can all have IDs and licenses. Thanks again officer, i appreciate it.

They leave. We get in the car. shaken as hell. quiet for a few seconds as the fear lingers.

then we drive back to Mina's house.