Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Truth About Superman

Look up in the sky its a bird! No its a plane! No its..its... its...an Illegal Alien.

To the shock of the world we've learned that after more than seven decades of saving hard-working Americans, we have all been lied to.One of our most beloved superheroes, Superman, is nothing more than an illegal alien.

Otherwise know by his Kryptonian name as Kal-el, Superman has been living in the United States illegally for over seven decades and has been leading a double life the whole time.

Originally from the planet Krypton, The Man of Steel crash landed in Kansas sometime around 1938, and was "adopted" by Martha and Jonathan Kent, who named him Clark. There are no legal records of this adoption. There are absolutely no records of a Clark Kent other than his Daily Planet bylines and desk tag.

No fingerprints on file, no green card, no social security number, no driver's license under a Clark Kent.

This begs the question who exactly is Clark Kent?

Stocky, balding and with a mid-western accent Clark H. Kent leans on his Ford truck as he says how many calls he's received at his Minnesota home from credit card companies requesting payment for "overdue hotel stays in Cairo, Paris, Sydney...it's ridiculous, I can't for the life of me convince them that I've never left the country."

But Superman is not only guilty of committing identity theft, he has also obtained a free education from Metropolis U. , taking away a seat for an otherwise qualified American citizen. This illegal alien has had a free ride at the cost of the American tax payer.

"We had no idea that Mr. Kal-El was an illegal," says Metropolis U's Dean of Admissions. "We always though he was a regular all-American linebacker. Without him we wouldn't have gone to state. What a shame..."

Aside from getting a free education, Old Blue Eyes has been scamming the system by working illegally at the Daily Planet, where this reporter used to work before he was laid off. There is no record of Mr Kent paying taxes.

"This is disgusting!" popular TV show host Glenn Beck says of this new revelation. "He should be locked up in a a detention center made of kryptonite! Here we have so many hard-working American superheroes, such as Batman, Spider-Man and non other than Captain America, and we have this illegal alien taking their JOBS...it..it...it is appalling."

Batman, Spider-Man and Captain America could not be reached for comment, however it should be noted that Spider-Man is of Polish decent, Batman has Italian immigrant parents and Captain America was born in Australia and only recently became a naturalized citizen.

"I've been right about this all along," said arch nemesis Lex Luthor, of Luthor Corp. "For years I've been fighting this invasion that is destroying our country." Mr. Luthor is currently working on his book Fighting Illegal Aliens.

Once a symbol of freedom and all that was good in America, Superman has become nothing more than a lie fabricated by an illegal alien living off the fruit of hard-working Americans.

We have been fooled America.


  1. Best piece I have read in a while. Nothing beats Dreamie satire, haha.

  2. Brilliant. I actually thought about this recently.

  3. Awesome post... "many super heroes could not be reach for comment... the number is in the millions..."

  4. You know, the superman creators were Jewish immigrants back in the olden days. Superman was their version of what they wanted to see ideally in a man you know.


    Thank-you very much for writing this blog. I work and pray daily for immigration reform that will welcome you and other immigrants and apologize for the wrongs that we have done to you. I have searched your blog in an attempt to email you privately because I am hoping you can help me be of better help to my undocumented clients.

    I am a child and family therapist in a rural town in the southeastern U.S. I have finally improved my Spanish to the point that I now providing therapy for Spanish speaking families, most of which are headed by undocumented adults. And, recently, I have started working with 2 undocumented teens, who came to the U.S. as children. Neither admits to having aspirations, hopes or dreams of any kind. Instead, they are using and selling drugs, are members of a gang, and are increasingly depressed. I don't blame them. They feel like they have few options with which they can both be treated with dignity and be able to support themselves and those they love. I am struggling to think of plausible options as much as they are. I'd like to get as broad an understanding of the possibilities as possible so that I can help these kids, and all my undocumented families think creatively through finding their own best options.

    On a related note, it would help me very much to know how it is that you developed such powerful resilience and willingness to work hard and take risks, with no promise of the rewards that you want. For instance, I am so amazed at your having gotten your degree. I can't imagine how much debt you must have gone into, or how much money you had to pay, in order to get that degree. And then, once you got it, it sounds like you haven't been able to work in the field of your expertise. I would love to inspire such characteristics in my clients so that when we somehow get them papers - which we are determined to do - they will be equipped to achieve there dreams; and until that day, I would at least hope to keep them alive and out of prison.

    Thanks in advance for any feedback you can offer!

    (If you would like to respond to me privately, you can email me at Emilie.h.e.brown@gmail.com)

    Sent from my iPhone

    Emilie H. E. Brown, MSW, P-LCSW, J.D.
    Carolina Outreach
    919.308.9118 (phone)
    919.251.9008 (fax)

  6. This post belongs in an article for "The Onion".

    Really funny and thought provoking.

    Keep it going!!