reminiscing

i stood in the living room alone. The sounds of the kids' TV, their laughter down the hall, only served to compound the silence that surrounded me. my family had left no more than five minutes ago, in that time the living room had transformed from a room filled with conversation smiles and hugs to a cathedral of loneliness.

at my feet was my small duffel bag which contained all my clothes and some belongings. on my back was my high school career inside of a green jansport backpack. i was alone. i was scared. i was 17.

for the next six months i slept on a couch in the family room adjacent to the kitchen. my routine was simple: get up at 6 go to school until 3 then go work at the sheet metal shop, where my dad had gotten me a job, until 11:30, come back to my aunts house have dinner and try to get some homework done so i could be in bed by 1am.

first period class was English lit with Mrs Walsh. ill never forget her deep blue eyes that seemed so sad. One day after class she asked me why i was suddenly not finishing my homework after being on top of it for the whole year. I told her about the night job and the rest of the school year she let me sleep in class as long as i turned in my homework and kept up with my reading assignments. she even started bringing me a bagel and orange juice everyday.

At night before bed i would get my clothes out of my small bag and get them ready for the next day, crawl into the couch and try to fall asleep. I was a scared kid that missed his family and missed his old life.

twelve years and many couches, airbeds, car seats and futons later i still feel like that scared kid wishing for his old life to come back

need some sleep.

working 60+ hours and still at night i cant close my eyes and fall asleep.

One night of good sleep is all.

things keeping me up tonight:

Jonathan

foreclosure

unemployment (father's not mine)

Australian Visa

apartment searching

Well it's the hurt I hide that fuels the fires inside me

Ray always knows how to say it.

"She lifts her skirt up to her knees

Walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing
I never learned to count my blessings
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters

Walk on down the hill
Through the grass grown tall and brown
And still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain
On past the busted back
Of that old and rusted Cadillac
That sinks into this field collecting rain

Will I always feel this way
So empty, so estranged"

Waking Up

planned on sleeping in but that didnt seem to work out. Worked yesterday so sunday was definitely the sleep in day. I was pretty tired too after a "at home" day splurging on episodes of "The Big Bang Theory" random guitar playing and some reading, but i also finished repairing Renes computers and Monica Came to pick them up.

Now im up, just woke up kyle and about to get ready for some Pho for breakfast. Then head to Ikea with Monica to buy stuff for her wedding and finally go print some fotos and get some frames.

Suns out, the day looks promising.

On another note: 2 weeks i'll be 29. goddamn. in 3 Weeks Houston.

Favorite Cliche :"life is change, be flexible" i think imma get that tattoed

Someday

The new strokes single came out today. Its been five years since the last album came out. Even now as I type i have the song playing full blast.

Five years. Went by fast. But then again time has flown by. I remember their second album (room on fire, 2003) came out while i worked at my first warehouse gig and id have it on while we shrink wrapped pallets in the summer heat.

A lot has happened since then, with DREAM, Family, people and life in general. Especially in the past few months.

Yet as i stand and look around to assess the situation i cant help but hear this song playing in the background.

guess im back to blogging...