Documenting Me

reminiscing

2011-06-12T11:28:00.001-07:00

i stood in the living room alone. The sounds of the kids' TV, their laughter down the hall, only served to compound the silence that surrounded me. my family had left no more than five minutes ago, in that time the living room had transformed from a room filled with conversation smiles and hugs to a cathedral of loneliness.

at my feet was my small duffel bag which contained all my clothes and some belongings. on my back was my high school career inside of a green jansport backpack. i was alone. i was scared. i was 17.

for the next six months i slept on a couch in the family room adjacent to the kitchen. my routine was simple: get up at 6 go to school until 3 then go work at the sheet metal shop, where my dad had gotten me a job, until 11:30, come back to my aunts house have dinner and try to get some homework done so i could be in bed by 1am.

first period class was English lit with Mrs Walsh. ill never forget her deep blue eyes that seemed so sad. One day after class she asked me why i was suddenly not finishing my homework after being on top of it for the whole year. I told her about the night job and the rest of the school year she let me sleep in class as long as i turned in my homework and kept up with my reading assignments. she even started bringing me a bagel and orange juice everyday.

At night before bed i would get my clothes out of my small bag and get them ready for the next day, crawl into the couch and try to fall asleep. I was a scared kid that missed his family and missed his old life.

twelve years and many couches, airbeds, car seats and futons later i still feel like that scared kid wishing for his old life to come back

need some sleep.

2011-06-08T00:47:00.000-07:00

working 60+ hours and still at night i cant close my eyes and fall asleep.

One night of good sleep is all.

things keeping me up tonight:

Jonathan

foreclosure

unemployment (father's not mine)

Australian Visa

apartment searching

Well it's the hurt I hide that fuels the fires inside me

2011-04-19T10:42:00.000-07:00

Ray always knows how to say it.

"She lifts her skirt up to her knees

Walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing
I never learned to count my blessings
I choose instead to dwell in my disasters

Walk on down the hill
Through the grass grown tall and brown
And still it's hard somehow to let go of my pain
On past the busted back
Of that old and rusted Cadillac
That sinks into this field collecting rain

Will I always feel this way
So empty, so estranged"

Waking Up

2011-03-27T10:14:00.000-07:00

planned on sleeping in but that didnt seem to work out. Worked yesterday so sunday was definitely the sleep in day. I was pretty tired too after a "at home" day splurging on episodes of "The Big Bang Theory" random guitar playing and some reading, but i also finished repairing Renes computers and Monica Came to pick them up.

Now im up, just woke up kyle and about to get ready for some Pho for breakfast. Then head to Ikea with Monica to buy stuff for her wedding and finally go print some fotos and get some frames.

Suns out, the day looks promising.

On another note: 2 weeks i'll be 29. goddamn. in 3 Weeks Houston.

Favorite Cliche :"life is change, be flexible" i think imma get that tattoed

Someday

2011-02-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

The new strokes single came out today. Its been five years since the last album came out. Even now as I type i have the song playing full blast.

Five years. Went by fast. But then again time has flown by. I remember their second album (room on fire, 2003) came out while i worked at my first warehouse gig and id have it on while we shrink wrapped pallets in the summer heat.

A lot has happened since then, with DREAM, Family, people and life in general. Especially in the past few months.

Yet as i stand and look around to assess the situation i cant help but hear this song playing in the background.

guess im back to blogging...

Feinsteins Mock Grad Fotos

2010-06-11T22:44:00.000-07:00

We held a Mock Graduation/Deportation in front of Feinstein's office this past thursday. felt a good flow of energy from participants. here are some pics

Action Tomorrow

2010-06-09T21:56:00.000-07:00

Worked with some other students on a rally in front of Feinsteins office tomorrow. Feel excited, kinda last minute but it still feels electric. fotos posted tomorrow.

On a side note
water and cell phones dont mix ;)

My Fathers Journey - Part 2

2010-05-24T23:44:00.000-07:00

The sound of the speeding cars no longer startled him; he’d been walking along the side of the highway most of the night, with out any idea of what time it was, or how many hours had passed since he had crawled out of the pipe. His feet ached. His back ached. Exhaustion gripped him by the bones. Stomach churning, he suddenly became aware of the tremendous hunger that resided in him. It’d been at least 48 hrs since his last meal. The nerves hadn’t let him eat.

He thought of his family, and wondered where they were. He figured that by this time they should be in San Jose, and would be expecting a call from him soon. The realization that no one knew where he was suddenly hit him, and it settled like a heavy rock on his chest. A rush of panic hit him and he attempted to run and was merely being able to trot and stumble. He stopped.

Cars rushed by him. Moving lights in an endless darkness; disappearing almost instantly as they moved closer to their destinations. What next. How long until the highway hits a town. Thinking of how to inform them of his location. He kept moving down the road. He walked so much he had lost track of the distance that he had traveled; no idea of where he was or where this highway was leading.

Walking aimlessly made his mind wander, and a flurry of thoughts began to crowd his head. He remembered the small market stand he had in Queretaro, how it had been enough to provide a comfortable living. He thought about all the problems that haunted his family. Of his older brother yelling profanities at him, while he watched from inside his house. Thoughts of the night when he made the decision to bring his family to this place. Thoughts of his family. How they had dressed up and gotten up early one day so they could go to Mexico City and get their passport. He thought about how it was only he who had not been given a visa.

His train of thought was broken the flash of some slowing lights. He watched them slow until they came to a stop a few yards ahead of him. Maintaining his pace he walked up to the lights, which had now materialized into a moving truck. Inside the driver said something in English, which he understood as an invitation to get in. No second thoughts, no doubts, no fear. He climbed in.

“Where ya headed?”

San Jose – he said

“ I’m going to Nevada but I can give you a ride up north for a bit”

Ok.

The next few minutes were awkward. Silence crowded the cabin of the small truck. The man driving was a light skinned blond, he didn’t seem dangerous, still it was best to stay awake. The blonde man looked over at him, “you look exhausted.” In broken English he explained what had happened, and how he had walked for so long. “don’t worry, the migra usually doesn’t patrol this far in.” The blonde man took out some pills and handed them to him, “here, they will help you rest.” With out knowing why, he took them.

It was the voice of the Driver that woke him.

“Hey, I didn’t want to wake you, but we are a few miles from Nevada”

He didn’t realize he had fallen asleep. Nadamas cerre los ojos poquito, he though. His body had just given in to temptation.

Nevada? Mierda…y ahora que.

Now what.

A Tragic Loss

2010-05-16T09:54:00.000-07:00

When I first started doing research for the DREAM Act, i ran into the Congressional testimony of Tam Tram. I was in awe. This young woman, young undocumented student was speaking out. it was a jolt of inspiration. When we started to communicate via FB i was giddy, and i told her so. She is a hero of mine.

A few months back i had a friend request from Cinthya Felix, a UCLA grad who was an aspiring Physician. We had conversations on G-chat and FB and were looking forward to meeting each other as we had heard much about one another.

Yesterday I learned that both had passed away in a terrible car accident.

I never had the privilege of meeting them in person, but my heart sinks as I think of the terrible loss, the pain their families are feeling.

Both these young women were an inspiration, they represented everything that the DREAM Act stands for. Both these young women were American to the core. They will be dearly missed

My Fathers Journey - Part 1

2010-05-04T17:38:00.000-07:00

He lay motionless, barely breathing, feeling the coolness of the mud penetrating the front of his shirt. He lay like that for hours, trying to control his heart pace, slow rhythmic breathing. He thought about how he had been hiding by the legs of the front side passenger, and how the driver, upon reaching the check point, had panicked and said “vale madre, ya saben…ay que correr”. He remembered how with in seconds the car was emptied, bodies running away from the check point, the yells of the now surprised patrol officers.

He had stayed behind, hidden, the glove compartment pressing against his head; when the officers passed by he got out and ran in the opposite direction. He ran with out looking back, with out knowing where he was running to, he ran as if his life depended on it.

It did.

He went into the bush, struggled with low hanging branches and rocks, almost tripping over his own feet, over his fear. Heart pounding, his heart condition suddenly not an issue. As he ran he had noticed a small break in the tree line; something told him “there” and he lunged towards it, his body flew downwards as the ground gave out into a muddy rain aqueduct. His muscles gave out and he covered himself with branches, leaves what ever he could find.

Now he was stoic; trying to immerse him-self with the brush and mud. He could hear the officers looking for him. Yelling “we are going to find you.” Mixed Spanish “vas a ver cabron” and other insults. Fear was gripping him slowly, entering his body much like the mud which now soaked his clothes. He wondered what had happened to the others that had run. What had happened to the two young guys in the trunk of the car.

His mind was racing, thoughts of his family; the last time he had seen them, the car they were in drove off. The pain he had felt in his heart as his son looked out the back window and waved. Now the sun began to slowly set, the sounds of the officers began to grow fainter. They had gone.

In an imitation of military fashion, he began to drag his body along the aqueduct, slowly, stopping when ever he heard noise, pressing his body to the ground and holding every breath. Minutes or hours later, he was not sure; he came across a highway blocking his path, the only way to cross it was either go above and take a chance with the speeding cars or to go through a pipe that went underneath the highway. Exhausted he closed his eyes and slept.

When he awoke it was dark, the sounds of the speeding cars surrounded him, as did the faint lights of their head lights racing past. He crawled close to the pipe opening, no way to tell how far down it goes -he thought. Paying no mind to the terrible claustrophobia that had always haunted him; he braced himself and crawled into the pipe. Inside the putrid smell of garbage, mold and rat shit invaded his nostrils. It was dark and he could not see the end.

His body barely fitting, he was glad for his small 5’4” frame as he dragged his way across. Insects ran down his body, the smell impregnated his clothes and the pipe seemed to go on forever. Pain no longer harbored his body, he was too tired to feel anything; it was as if he was only moving out of sheer inertia, just motions with out thoughts. He was too tired. As he came out of the pipe he let his body drop; he saw only the dark wilderness ahead of him. Me voy a perder. Not sure where he was or where to go he decided the best option would be to stay close to the highway. It had to hit a town eventually.

He willed his exhausted body up and began to walk.

Coming Out to Mahal

2010-05-03T17:46:00.000-07:00

Mahal is my coworker. We have worked together for about five months now and we get along great, she is a sweet young lady with a solid head on her shoulders and a great sense of humor. we are both foodies and she has been feeding me with some awesome Filipino cuisine and other snacks. We laugh at our dumb customers and have some awesome therapy sessions.

And she also has a sixth sense.

I've been having one of those rough patches where i tend to just drift off in to my thoughts at work, and Mahal has been keenly aware of it.
-Hey dood, are you ok over there gabe?
Yes (smile)
Hey Mahal...whats our patient/doctor confidentiality level?
-Gabe. you know you can tell me anything. whats on your mind.
well i need to figure out how to phrase it but.
-its ok take your time
Thanks.
- are you Illegal.
erm. yes. well. im undocumented.

That's how the conversation Started.

I could feel my heart racing faster let her know my situation, although due to the nervousness i edited my story a bit. She told me that she was not to informed on the issue but that she would hear me out, and as i spoke i could see genuine concern and worry on her face. I explained that my only options where marriage or bust.

Mahal said that she kinda suspected it. I asked why. She told me "well you're really smart, have a college degree and are hard working, so i wonder why youve been working here so long." I guess there are signs.

She joked "if i were single id marry you gabe"
You're not my type Mahal- i joked back

I told her how now i could break my rule of not adding coworkers on Facebook and she smiled.

As i left for home i asked her if this changed anything or made things weird (there was some akwardness in the air, naturally). Mahal smiled and said no

see you tomorrow Gabe

The Week That SB 1070 Brought

2010-05-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

A quick "off the top of my head" summary

Friday April 23rd 2010 Governor of Arizona Jan Brewer signed into law the horrendous SB 1070 Bill, which make Arizona a total police state, and allows for legalized racial profiling.

The following week resulted in a flurry of events, some encouraging, some discouraging and some just plain confusing.

The passage of SB 1070 mobilized the somewhat demoralized Pro-Immigration groups and the Latino community. It was apparent immediately on facebook. Some people posted "she signed the bill..." and "legalize Arizona". With in hours vigils were organized nation wide and official responses condemning the bill were formulated. We held a vigil Saturday night in San Francisco.

Harry Reid, Luis Gutierrez et al proceeded to condemn the legislation, while most republicans praised it. Two significant things of note: Tom Tancredo (aka papa racist) said that Arizona was going too far (YIKES you know its bad if HE said this), and Lindsey Graham (the leading Republican Senator on Immigration issues), also condemned it.

The silence from the Obama Administration was deafening. But some time later at a Naturalization Ceremony Obama finally spoke out about the law, saying that comprehensive immigration reform was needed.

Cue the sudden Schizophrenia from the Democrats. Reid followed Obama's cue by saying CIR was next in the agenda, Graham threw a fit, the Democrats back off, Obama said CIR would have to wait, the Democrats introduced a "republican free" version of CIR...and the circus continues...

Republican Pat Bertroche, an Urbandale physician and one of seven Republicans running in the 3rd District Congressional primary, said Monday

“I actually support microchipping them. I can microchip my dog so I can find it. Why can’t I microchip an illegal?" - Iowaindependent.com

Yes, you read that correctly...Dogs and "an illegal". Osea the humanity of the "illegal" is completely stripped out.

Tim James,a candidate in the Alabama governor's race, came out with a very articulate and direct "English Only" ad, check it out: Tim James (Is afraid to learn Espanish)

The insanity doesn't stop, because Arizona also deemed it necessary to BAN teachers with FOREING accents. haha wow. check it here

Love them republicans huh?

Saturday was May Day or Workers Day, which in this movement has become the day to go out and march, as a symbolic gesture of frustration. Demonstrations were held in Los Angeles, San Jose, Dallas, Austin,Houston, Chicago, New York, DC and more. Los Angeles alone had 200,000 people fill the streets.

Representative Gutierrez along with about 40 others demonstrated an act of civil disobedience in front of the white house and got arrested. A signal that the heat is turning up in this debate and new actions are being looked at.

As i write this, on Monday morning, no concrete commitment has been made on reforming the ridiculously broken immigration system.

Still, I am anxious to see what other humorous antics show up this week, if only to take my mind off the immigration debate...

Excerpt of President Obama's Speech

2010-04-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

"Government has a responsibility to enforce the law and secure our borders and set clear rules and priorities for future immigration. And under Secretary Napolitano’s leadership at the Department of Homeland Security, that’s exactly what we’re doing. We’ve strengthened security at our borders, ports and airports and we will continue to do so, because America’s borders must be secure. That’s part of what these young people here today stand for.

Businesses have a responsibility to obey the law and not undermine American workers, especially when so many Americans are out of work. Many businesses work to comply with the law every day. But for those that don’t -- those that ignore the law and exploit and abuse vulnerable workers and try to gain an unfair advantage over all the businesses that do follow the law -- we will hold them accountable.

And people who are in America illegally have a responsibility -- to pay their back taxes and admit responsibility for breaking the law, pay a penalty, learn English, pass criminal background checks, and get right with the law -- or face removal -- before they can get in line and eventually earn their citizenship.

So responsibility. Accountability. Common-sense, comprehensive immigration reform. I thank Secretary Napolitano for helping to lead our efforts, both on and off Capitol Hill. And I thank Senators Schumer and Graham for working with us to forge a bipartisan consensus on a framework for moving forward, and I welcome the commitment of House and Senate Democratic leaders to take action.

I’ll continue to consult with Democrats and Republicans in Congress, and I would note that 11 current Republican Senators voted to pass immigration reform four years ago. I’m hopeful that they will join with Democrats in doing so again so we can make the progress the American people deserve.

Indeed, our failure to act responsibly at the federal level will only open the door to irresponsibility by others. And that includes, for example, the recent efforts in Arizona, which threatened to undermine basic notions of fairness that we cherish as Americans, as well as the trust between police and their communities that is so crucial to keeping us safe."

whole speech here

Arizona

2010-04-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

I almost moved to Arizona a few weeks ago. A job offer had been made and it involved relocation to Phoenix. I was given one month to make my decision. Talked to a lot of people, did research and thought about consequences. It was a good opportunity, "how many times do you get offered an engineering job" said my friend Beleza.

good point.

Yet, this is the heart of Arpaio Territory we're talking about, and it's seething with anti immigrant sentiment.

With a heavy heart i turned the offer down.

Flash forward to now, the anti-immigrant bill, known as SB 1070, has cleared legislative hurdles and is on its was to Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer's desk.

SB 1070 makes it a misdemeanor to lack proper immigration paperwork in Arizona. It also requires police officers, if they form a "reasonable suspicion" that someone is an illegal immigrant, to determine the person's immigration status.
Huffingtonpost.com

The bill essentially makes Arizona an apartheid state, where it will be ok for police to ask a brown "illegal" looking man or woman for their papers. I won't even delve into how a person goes about looking "illegal" (although target seemed to have their own opinion on the matter), but SB 1070 opens the gateway to legalized racial profiling.

As Alessandra Soler Meetze, president of the American Civil Liberties Union of Arizona put it:

"A lot of U.S. citizens are going to be swept up in the application of this law for something as simple as having an accent and leaving their wallet at home."

Religious Groups are coming out against the legislation, the Associated Press reports that:

The head of the nation's largest Roman Catholic archdiocese has condemned a proposed Arizona crackdown on illegal immigrants, saying it encourages people to turn on each other in Nazi- and Soviet-style repression.

We've already seen U.S. Citizens being detained and even deported in the continuing ICE raids that keep separating families. Yet in Arizona this is on the verge of becoming common practice, and where is the Obama administration on this? quietly looking the other way. Once again, change you can believe in.

Prerna, Co founder of Dreamactivist.org and a blogger at Change.org, suggests that the passing of SB 1070 might not be such a bad thing after all. She argues that such an insane law would (and is) energize the pro immigrant movement much in the way prop 8 energized the LGBT community.

If history is any lesson, we can look at the huge latino backlash in California when Prop 187 was passed by then Republican Governor Pete Wilson. The law was declared unconstitutional and shot down, but the damage had been done, and the Immigrant community effectively managed to turn California into a blue state.

The Unites States cannot have 50 different immigration laws, the San Francisco Chronicle puts it best:

If there was any doubt about the need for comprehensive federal immigration reform, Arizona's politicians are putting it to rest.

The (mini) Hangover

2010-04-10T11:16:00.001-07:00

***DISCLAIMER: The following events describe an unlikely week in which i re-lived my 21st year of life, the events are not representative of my everyday life...read with caution***

I turned 28 this past week.

Past birthdays I tend to stay home, relax and reflect on what the passing year has brought. Ever since 25 it seems that each new year reminds me of how time is passing me by.

Friday night as i lay in bed reading, and being annoyed at my younger sister for flaking on me, i decided that this year would be different. After all it was a First Fridays night, where all the downtown Art galleries open up and have shows and music and booze. And so the adventure began.

I got up, took off the PJs and walked out to my favorite Gallery Anno Domini, there i met up with my friend Monica, her boyfriend (Rene) and her friend Stephani. Also ran into my friends Dara and Jenna. Inside the gallery i flashed my passport and grabbed an IPA which i slowly drank while watching the art on display.

I must now disclose a somewhat shameful fact...I am a lightweight. After finishing this IPA i must say I was a bit buzzed. Needless to say that memory starts to fade a bit after this point.

Reconstructed from scrambled flash backs are the events of the night. Cinnabar, Scotch on the rocks, PBR beers, some dood hitting on Stephani and her telling him i was her BF so he would leave her alone, said dood dogging me and then drunkenly hugging me saying "its ok man its ok". Waking up on the couch in my living room with everyone else passed out on the floor.

Saturday, was recovery day. But it was Rene's Birthday celebration that night, so I once again braced myself. Dinner was at a Bar and Grill called Brittania Arms. I recall this place because not so long ago the bouncer did not accept my passport and told me i could not get in.

But we found a loop hole...go in at 6pm while it is a restaurant, and stay until 10 then get your hand stamped...and so it was...i beat the system!

This bar was bumping, but i had decided not to drink that night as i had an interview with a reporter in the morning. Unfortunately Rene and Co. didn't get the memo (insert alcoholic induced haze here).

Sunday I woke, did the interview and got some rest. 10 pm bed time.

Finally on Tuesday (Birthday day eve), a few of my friends took me out for food and drinks. A fatal combination of PBR, Patron, Whiskey and Blue moon. It is weird going out to drink at a dive bar in the middle of the week. Aside from no one, we were the only ones there.

The actual birthday was much more laid back. i got the day off from work. Got a some good birthday wishes, and a nice phone call. I had lunch with my father, hung out with my buddy Tony, had dinner with my sisters and then had a date that night.

I never partied/drank/ect much when i was younger, and most certainly not for consecutive days. The resulting hangover and exhaustion from these events are a testament to how I am most definitely not made for a rockstar (or even rockstar groupie) life style.

Nevertheless it was nice to let go and have some fun for a bit.

28

2010-04-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday passes me by with out a second thought
i feel it slipping through my veins
in every moment.
Please just hold my hand and don't let me go.
Another year is leaving me tonight.

Employment Visa

2010-04-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

Three weeks ago i was offered a job. It was a junior test engineer position. The owner of the company was willing to sponsor me for a visa. He told me to do the research on the necessary steps. Thanks to some good people i was referred to an immigration attorney that specializes in employment visas.

I went to her SF offices, and braced myself. I don't like getting my hopes up. Have done that too much in the past.

As i sat in her office waiting room i let myself daydream, of how maybe, just maybe this surreal life would soon be over. I thought of how it would be to not have it nagging in the back of my mind, that thought " no tienes papeles". Of how it seems so impossible, still after 21 years, to fully wrap my mind around the idea of how i don't "belong" or exist in my own home.

Then the day dream really took off, with thoughts of finally helping my aging parents pay off their debts, of getting a drivers license, of traveling, of being able to live with out fear, of the feeling of normality.

The appointment lasted 30 minutes. Essentially this it what it came down to: The company can submit an application to sponsor me, but the wait is 8 years, during which time i would remain undocumented. The cost is in the tens of thousands. So, if i wanted to do this i would be 36 by the time that i would be able to work for the employer that sponsored me.

I've always had this naive idea that a company could sponsor you for a visa. I remember i spent the entire summer of 2008 applying to every single company in the silicon valley, thinking that maybe one company would sponsor me. Now i had the company willing to sponsor me and the system failed me.

The attorney told me that this sponsorship process was actually not designed to provide legalization to out of status immigrants, but rather those with student or H1B visas. I thanked her, and told her i appreciated her time. She did not charge me for the visit.

As i was walking out of her office she said "Gabriel, how old are you?"

28, I replied.

"have you thought about getting married?"

Memories

2010-04-01T19:19:00.000-07:00

My aunt slapped my hand as i reached for a slice of the Hawaiian pizza on the coffee table in the living room. Es para tu papa, she said. I sat there, holding my hand, anxious and eying the slice, not really thinking where exactly my father had been for the past 3 days.

We had just arrived from Mexico, my mother, sister and I, brought through the border with a tourist visa and by car through San Diego, and a brief stop in LA. Now we were sleeping on the floor of my Aunt's two bedroom San Jose apartment which she shared with four other people.

My father had stayed behind.

A few hours after the hand incident, pizza now cold, there was a knock on the door and my uncle showed up with my father. Torn pants, muddied shoes, unshaven and exhausted my father walked over and hugged us. I'll always remember the excitement, relief, the joy that filled the small apartment that night.

It would not be until years later that i would learn what he had been through in those three days.

My father and I have always shared a strong bond, one of trust and companionship. He's always been a good father, attentive to his family, always putting us before anything. Although he is older than me by 35 years ( he is 63) he has maintained a youthful spirit, joking and being there when I've needed him most. He's always been more of a friend than an authority.

The kind of man I aspire to be.

Now that so much time has passed, i often times remember that night when he was reunited with us. How tired he must have been, the fear, anxiety and the terrible weight he must have felt of being parted from his family.

I've had many moments of doubt, of anger, of frustration. Much more so in these recent weeks, where i tend to disappear from the world. Times where i just want to get up and walk away. times where i just want to say fuck it and leave.

Then i think of what my family has gone through. How many sacrifices have been made, and are yet to be made. I think of the joy my father had when he was reunited with us, and how tired and sad his eyes look now.

That's when I realize I can't walk away.

Si Se Puede

2010-03-19T00:03:00.001-07:00

A few days ago a grabbed a burger for lunch at a Burger King close to my job. As i pulled up to the window to pay i recognized the young man that was taking my money. His name was Antonio. I had worked with him back in 2007 during my stint at burger king (not this particular location though). He recognized me as well and we got to catching up.

I told him I had graduated and that i was working nearby, and i asked how he was doing and how his son was. "ya arregle" , he told me with a huge smile on his face.

literal translation: I was fixed

Meaning his status had been adjusted. He told me he had the final interview in the next few days and that his social had been sent out to him. I congratulated him. I couldn't believe it. Happiness filled my body, and i felt so relieved for Antonio.

we exchanged phone numbers and agreed to meet up one of these days to catch up over some food.

As i drove away i could not help but think, if i felt such happiness for Antonio getting his papers, how would it feel if i got mine?

a little song for lazy sunday

2010-03-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

My Name Is

2010-03-09T21:52:00.000-08:00

March 15-21st is National Undocumented Coming Out Week.

Quick Update before i go jogging

2010-03-06T12:17:00.000-08:00

Spent two days going to two different clinics. First one didn't calm my worries, since it was kinda shady. The second was more in dept check up and included a blood test.

Yet they didnt specifically say what is wrong or if it is anything to worry too much about.

what i do know from the second clinic is that my glucose level seems to be a bit high, not diabetic but still need to manage this better, and that the doctor thinks this is also caused by stress. (he asked me what i was stressed about- immigration says I).

I was told that i should monitor my leg symptoms for 2 weeks and if it got worse i should go back. ditto. Also to keep jogging and take vitamin B6. got it.

the blood test is for diabetes, cholesterol and any deficiencies.

I hope it is all just stress and that it will pass. But for now imma go for a run.

cheers

Check Up

2010-03-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 2am, had a slight ringing in my ears, and felt the leg acting up. not sure if im being neurotic or what. fell asleep again at 430.

woke up at 8 and the two middle toes on my left foot are numb. this made up my mind.

Called work 5 minutes ago, not going in. Im going to go to various health clinics and see which one i can afford so i can get a physical, and blood test done.

this leg thing is worrying me.

Numb Foot

2010-03-03T19:46:00.000-08:00

It started a month ago. I was taking a nap and when i woke up i noticed that two toes on my left foot were asleep. I took my sock off thinking that it was too tight. Not much thought.

Then in LA i noticed this happening more, but i blamed it on the weird positions i had while crashing on friend's couches. The problem however has gotten considerably worse.

Now i feel my foot get numb. not just my toes. And my shin feels odd. So i did what any one in my condition would do. I google searched the symptoms.

The results consist of mainly: pinched nerve, or diabetes.

I'm a little worried since Diabetes runs in my family. I am praying that it is a pinched nerve (since i also began running again about one month ago). But as the time is passing the leg seems to be more and more susceptible to variations in my eating habits.

I googled a health clinic, since i dont have health insurance, and will probably try to go in and get check out.

Funny how in the middle of this whole health care debacle i suddenly have a much higher appreciation for the need of health insurance :p

Ironic part 2

2010-02-28T01:12:00.000-08:00

Daniel is a blue eyed, blonde, American 21 year old. I have worked with him for 7 months.

His step mother is the Vice President of the company i work for.

He is a nice kid, but also a troubled young man, who doesn't take his job seriously (its his first) and has a lot of growing up to do.

Daniel is moving to Costa Rica, in what he considers a move to solve all his problems. When I asked him how he is going he replied "I am going as a tourist and then going to Nicaragua every 3 months so my visa stays legit."

I asked him how he was going to make a living he paused, a grin on his face he said " I am going to work under the table. Illegally."

Daniel is not aware of my status, but boy....i considered asking him if he wanted to give me his US citizenship.

Young immigrants Have to Grow Up Fast

2010-02-28T01:10:00.000-08:00

Great Article from a while back (ran in to it from I am a shadows blog)

Young immigrants Have to Grow Up Fast

The following quote pretty much nails it for me (too):

"What’s different about the stresses facing undocumented immigrants, and what most young people interviewed for this story kept repeating, is the sense that doors that might be opened to help relieve a bit of the stress — education, legalization, a good paying job — are permanently closed. It’s not just that mom and dad can’t be there to lend a helping hand to help pay for college, it’s that the chances of getting a better paying job to save money for school are slim, and even if they manage to graduate, the chances of landing a secure job are still miniscule. This, combined with an uncertain future where deportation is a constant worry, can weigh heavily on a young person and make them feel old beyond their years, they say."

The Reason Why

2010-02-28T00:32:00.000-08:00

The very first thing my parents told me when we came to this country was " do not tell anyone about how we came, and that we have no papers." It was taboo. forbidden to discuss it with anyone. At seven years old, this order instilled a fear with in me about telling others that i was undocumented. It made me feel ashamed, guilty, scared, and less.

Up until 2008 I had only disclosed my status to my very closes friends. Friends that i had known for more than ten years. Friends that no matter what i could count on. Other than them, everyone else saw me as a normal US citizen working his was through college.

But the burden of having this secret still laid heavy on my conscience. A gripping fear drove me to cover up my tracks, and to create elaborate stories on why i didn't have ID, or get school loans. At one point some of my friends thought i was a bad ass for driving with out a license, because i had told them i had gotten arrested when i was younger and couldn't get my license until i turned 21.

Yet living that double life is unsustainable. It lets the situation define me, more so than it should. It makes me feel ashamed, and I should not have to feel that way.

So i decided to start telling people I know, from some of my other closest friends to even acquaintances, about my status. Why? because it empowers me, it allows me to define my situation in a way that I want.

The majority of people are supportive when they find out. Most of them are astounded and dumbstruck. For example my room mate, who learned of my situation a while before we moved in, has been there for me in some of the times when i get real down. " focus on something productive asshole, and don't let what you can't control consume you. Change what you can control", he cuts me no slack, and i appreciate that.

Only in one instance have i had one terrible experience when telling some one my status, this was prior to 2008, and it scarred me and wounded me deeply. Yet I learned from it.

And so I decided to write. At first it was therapeutic, cathartic and soothing to let out what i have held deep in side for so long.

130+ posts later it still is about healing, but it has also become about information. In telling others my reality i found how much confusion there really about the undocumented population. The stereotypes and myths are really ingrained into peoples minds.

So I write this blog, my random rants, my inconsistent themes, my fears and worries. I write so that others can "see" the reality of one undocumented man. By no means am I qualified to represent the entire complex spectrum that is the undocumented community.

But if by sharing my life, my situation, my narrative, some one out there sits down and rethinks their ideas about undocumented immigrants, then I consider that I may have made a slight difference.

And that too is healing.

GIR in February

2010-02-24T21:56:00.000-08:00

GIR is gaining momentum. here is the February Update:

You Dont Have an Accent

2010-02-23T21:06:00.000-08:00

*****DISCLAIMER: this is a free write*********

The wind is cold. it is 2 am on the 15th. I was just in front of Mina's house chatting with her and gift. Now the red and blue lights are reflected from my rear view mirror. gift is quiet. I am shit scared.

Officer is stone faced. Stern, almost angry look upon him. Gets straight to it.

"Do you have a license?"
No.
"why not"
I cant get one.
a deputy approaches the other window. they ask for ID. We give them our passports.
"step out of the vehicle"
I'm out. fucking cold wind. Officer is behind me. Gift is in the car being questioned by the deputy.

The officer puts me against the hood of his patrol car. Bright search light in my face. He takes my hands and asks me to put them behind my back.

a fucking criminal.

He pats me down. "do you have any drugs on you?" takes out my wallet, keys everything.
No. Of course not.

Looks at my passport. "are you illegal?"My anger rises.

No.
I am undocumented.

"you dont have an accent"
Ive been here a long time.
"why dont you have a license?"
I cant get one, the laws are messed up. I was brought as a small child. I give him DREAMers 101 in a nutshell.
"hmmm"
yeah. i even have a bachelors
"where did you go to school"
San Jose State.
More feigned interest.
"Wait out here with your hands on the hood"
yes officer

The deputy takes gift out of my car. The officer is going through my passport. deputy takes gift to the back of the patrol car, starts to put him in. "no, put him in the front" says the other.

I cant look at gift. Im fucking scared. I look down. The deputy is going through my car, desperately looking for drugs. I thank the stars i'm a square. My mind runs. is this a 287g city, fuck. i dont have my cell phone with all my numbers. fuck what if they take us in. fuck who do i call. my parents dont have any of my contact's numbers. fuck. fuck. fuck.

I see flashes of 2007. this is worse. We're outside. hands behind our backs. car is searched. wind is freezing. the deputy tries to open my trunk

the key doesnt work. you have to pop it from the front.

She struggles. She is looking hard for drugs. The other officer is looking through his computer, probably running the plates. Mine have a license plate cover, "Alumni San Jose State".

what if they take my car away, what if they take us in. What if. My mind then goes blank. and i think. so what. if they take me in and they take me into detention then fine. it will be over. and i wont have to struggle with this. No.

I find myself suddenly praying. Hypocrite.

Thirty minutes. Then we get our passports back. We ask if we can put them in our pockets

please master. yest master. ok master.

Deputy says yes. we can go.

"Gabriel"
Yes officer. I walk to his window.
" I should take your car and arrest you. But im going to let you go because you seem like a decent guy"
Thanks Officer. I really appreciate ( how you profiled me, searched my car, insulted me and treated me like a criminal) it.

A decent guy. wow

" try to get your license"
I am trying to actively change the laws which prevent me from being able to participate in society. I am working with other organizers to do this so we can all have IDs and licenses. Thanks again officer, i appreciate it.

They leave. We get in the car. shaken as hell. quiet for a few seconds as the fear lingers.

then we drive back to Mina's house.

No Taxation With Out Representation

2010-02-21T10:50:00.000-08:00

Once again this "illegal" Immigrant has paid taxes.

Yes sir, just filed my tax forms. I saw how much money went to federal taxes, Social Security taxes and State Income taxes. Money that I wont get to see, since i don't have a social security number.

lets not forget the sales taxes that i paid on filling up my car this morning, or when i bought groceries last night. The whole myth of undocumented immigrants no paying taxes is so dis-proven that i wont even go there. Ill just let my paid taxes do the talking.

It's Ironic though, that my hard work is funding the Social Security Administration so that retired people such as "Brittanicus" (an online anti immigrant troll) can say how much i deserve to be kicked out of this country.

I wonder if the Tea baggers...erm i mean Tea Partiers will let me join in their "anti tax" movement jajaja

Lost in Los Angeles

2010-02-16T18:14:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Nando, Lizbeth, Eric, Mina, Gladys and all the socal people

Road Trip

2010-02-12T21:00:00.000-08:00

I got on an airplane and flew to Houston, Texas last year. It was an experience full of growth. I felt like an adult for the first time in my "adult" life.

Tomorrow I am driving to Los Angeles. By myself.

I've always wanted to take this trip, since driving is cathartic for me, and after being in one place for 20+ years changing my surroundings (even if it is LA) for a while is soothing.. But i have been scared up to this point.

That is what it is all about now though.

No longer being scared.

See ya in LA

The Truth About Superman

2010-02-09T18:13:00.000-08:00

Look up in the sky its a bird! No its a plane! No its..its... its...an Illegal Alien.

To the shock of the world we've learned that after more than seven decades of saving hard-working Americans, we have all been lied to.One of our most beloved superheroes, Superman, is nothing more than an illegal alien.

Otherwise know by his Kryptonian name as Kal-el, Superman has been living in the United States illegally for over seven decades and has been leading a double life the whole time.

Originally from the planet Krypton, The Man of Steel crash landed in Kansas sometime around 1938, and was "adopted" by Martha and Jonathan Kent, who named him Clark. There are no legal records of this adoption. There are absolutely no records of a Clark Kent other than his Daily Planet bylines and desk tag.

No fingerprints on file, no green card, no social security number, no driver's license under a Clark Kent.

This begs the question who exactly is Clark Kent?

Stocky, balding and with a mid-western accent Clark H. Kent leans on his Ford truck as he says how many calls he's received at his Minnesota home from credit card companies requesting payment for "overdue hotel stays in Cairo, Paris, Sydney...it's ridiculous, I can't for the life of me convince them that I've never left the country."

But Superman is not only guilty of committing identity theft, he has also obtained a free education from Metropolis U. , taking away a seat for an otherwise qualified American citizen. This illegal alien has had a free ride at the cost of the American tax payer.

"We had no idea that Mr. Kal-El was an illegal," says Metropolis U's Dean of Admissions. "We always though he was a regular all-American linebacker. Without him we wouldn't have gone to state. What a shame..."

Aside from getting a free education, Old Blue Eyes has been scamming the system by working illegally at the Daily Planet, where this reporter used to work before he was laid off. There is no record of Mr Kent paying taxes.

"This is disgusting!" popular TV show host Glenn Beck says of this new revelation. "He should be locked up in a a detention center made of kryptonite! Here we have so many hard-working American superheroes, such as Batman, Spider-Man and non other than Captain America, and we have this illegal alien taking their JOBS...it..it...it is appalling."

Batman, Spider-Man and Captain America could not be reached for comment, however it should be noted that Spider-Man is of Polish decent, Batman has Italian immigrant parents and Captain America was born in Australia and only recently became a naturalized citizen.

"I've been right about this all along," said arch nemesis Lex Luthor, of Luthor Corp. "For years I've been fighting this invasion that is destroying our country." Mr. Luthor is currently working on his book Fighting Illegal Aliens.

Once a symbol of freedom and all that was good in America, Superman has become nothing more than a lie fabricated by an illegal alien living off the fruit of hard-working Americans.

We have been fooled America.

GIR

2010-01-31T20:50:00.000-08:00

GIR is a satire.

It stands for "Gabe Immigration Reform" and it was spawned from an inside joke that some of us have.

In an arena often full of seriousness and melancholy, it is my contribution. An effort to not only bring a light to the ridiculousness that is the current immigration system, but also an effort to bring smiles to people.

Of course some people can't differentiate between humor and reality so here is the disclaimer (in case you missed the satire part above)

Disclaimer: The GIR Video Series is a satire on the current US immigration system, where one of the only legal pathways for a DREAM Act students would be through marriage. The person in the video is trying to seek marriage for legalization purposes in much the same sincerity as he is trying to win the Nobel peace prize by finding the cure for cancer, then win an academy award, and play in the NBA, in which case, would allow him to legalize under the circumstances of extraordinary talent. The person in this video is not interested in marriage but rather raising awareness at the ridiculousness of the broken immigration system.

Hope it makes y'all smile

GIR Campaign launch dec 25th 2009

GIR January 2010 update

State of the Union has no room for Immigrants

2010-01-28T18:20:00.000-08:00

38 seconds is what immigration reform got. The last issue to be touched before ending his speech.

Talk about commitment. about 7000 words in the President's speech and this is the commitment to immigration reform:

"And we should continue the work of fixing our broken immigration system - to secure our borders, enforce our laws, and ensure that everyone who plays by the rules can contribute to our economy and enrich our nation. "

Translation:

"I'm putting this only to semi satisfy my 'promise' to pro immigrant groups and latinos; in reality i don't really have a time table or the interest in dealing with this yet. But now you can't say i didnt touch immigration reform in my state of the union address"

Is this the same Obama that during the campaign bragged of how he "marched right with" us in Chicago? The same Obama that said that the DREAM Act could be passed immediately? The same Obama who promised immigration reform in 2009, then again promised it in 2010? The same Obama who has an Aunt that is affected by the very same arcane immigration system that he is maintaining at status quo levels?

I remember watching intently during the 2008 democratic debate, where Jorge Ramos touched upon the immigration debate. Then Candidate Obama made it a point to highlight the urgency of the DREAM Act. He said "I do not want two classes of citizens in this country"

I remember this moment:

I'm really starting to believe in this "change" he was talking about.

Prerna, over at Change.org, is right when she says

We should see a Senate bill soon, but whether Congress and the President put all their energy into getting it passed this year is another story for another day. Latinos voted for change when they voted for President Obama. But we should also act like we are hungry for change, rather than sit on our laurels expecting things to fall into place.
For Obama, if this type of failure continues well into 2010, many disgruntled voters will just stay at home come midterm-elections and Democrats will lose more seats due to their unwillingness to pass legislation of great importance to immigrant communities, a growing part of their base.

I sum it up with: what a dissapointment.

Its 1:26 am and im awake

2010-01-27T01:25:00.000-08:00

I wonder how we know when the universe aligns?

Is there a cosmic jolt and boom!

did you just feel it shake?

I believe in signs, strategically placed all around us to give is clues.

"yo dood, over here"

And i think i felt my jolt.

well. let the search begin

a total stranger one black day
knocked living the hell out of me--

who found forgiveness hard because
my(as it happened)self he was

-but now that fiend and i are such
immortal friends the other's each
- EE Cummings.

Tomorrow is another day. Ill figure out then

Furries

2010-01-22T18:17:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i'm privy to some weird shit....these guys are called Furries:

I bet these doods can relate to finding some one who understands you online :)

What Can Brown do for You?

2010-01-21T15:49:00.000-08:00

The aftershocks of Tuesday’s special election in Massachusetts are being felt in every corner of the United States’ political spectrum. Republicans are once again foaming at the mouth. Democrats, well, they continue to be Democrats, weak, timid and like an ostrich with its head in the sand.

Word is spreading like the plague. Health Care Reform is dead, Finance Regulation Reform is dead, Energy Reform is dead.

Immigration reform is dead.

It’s spreading to immigrants. From frustrated students, undocumented immigrants working everywhere, to even legal immigrant and citizen family members.

“I’m worried”, text from my 21 year old sister after the election results.

“shit”, IM from a Southern California student activist

“We should start thinking about a plan to move”, my 62 year old father on the phone this morning, on how this will affect the immigration time table.

I feel numb. Like I was punched in the gut. How Americans can choose to forget so quickly what the past 8 years under republican rule brought them is beyond me. How they can fail to see that republicans have stood in the way of every single thing that Obama has tried to do is mind boggling. How they can once again be suckered (yes suckered) by the slogan of “change”, only this time by the very group they where trying to “change” from, is surreal.

Brown says the he is his “own man” and reports to no one. Yet he tauted himself as the 41st vote agaist HCR, and when it comes to immigration he embraces the same Draconian “enforcement only” policies that Republicans have promoted for years. Yep, more change.

In 2008 I promised myself that I was going to give myself until the end of 2010 before I threw in the towel and said goodbye to my country. The United States.

I’ll be damned if I am going to go with out a fight.

So Mr. Brown and fellow republicans. Get ready, because I am not giving up.

And when I finally get to vote as a citizen, I will not so easily forget, like they did in Massachusetts.

Odd (job) Man

2010-01-19T19:08:00.001-08:00

Jobs

Pre Bachelors:

Taco Bell - Dishwasher, Cashier, Cook, Window Cleaner.
Sheet metal shop- Graveyard Shop helper, Reg Schedule Accounting Clerk
McDonalds- Cashier, Janitor, Truck Unloader,
Warehouse #1 - Pallet loader, Warehouse Monkey, Warehouse monkey lead, Dispatcher
Burger King- Cashier

Post Bachelors:

Contract Technical Writer- Wrote manuals, translated white papers, ect
Warehouse #2 - truck unloader, Boxer ( i made boxes)
Foreign Contract manufacturer #1- assistant "engineer", oversaw line employees, translated SOPs,ect.
Foreign Contract manufacturer #2 - Warehouse monkey, laptop repair tech, Customer service, all around fireman

Will work for Papers

I wanna

2010-01-18T11:57:00.000-08:00

Move.

Fear Tactics

2010-01-16T21:07:00.000-08:00

The following texts were among the many i received Thursday afternoon:

" Wei ay redadas de emigracion"
" Just received news that ICE is doing a sweep in Bay area be careful"
" ICE check points in san jose"

Memories of 2006 came back. Hearing about an immigration raid next door to where i worked. Hiding in the back of the warehouse through my lunch. the fear.

The word was spreading, even while i was at work. Immigration Check points in multiple streets. Immigration checking people's status at bus stops. The streets and the bus stops all where in predominantly Latino neighborhoods. profiling.

It makes me angry.

Angry to feel so impotent to the fact that at any given moment i could be driving down the wrong street, at the wrong time. With a flash of a light, a criminalizing procedure and one question, my whole life, my whole foundation is uprooted.

Angry at the impotence i feel because i want so bad to change this system, where a father is torn from his family because he was taking the bus home from work. Where a mother driving her kid to karate practice is now in a detention center, because she took a wrong turn. Where a student is afraid to drive to class, because there is a check point.

"papers please" = Fuck you. you second class citizen, you're a criminal in our eyes and you will be hunted like one. Who cares if you have a family. Who cares if your son is a US citizen, or your case is pending.

What? you have a degree, well use it in your country. What you pay taxes? go pay them in Mexico. Huh? your wife is a US Citizen, well she will need to go with you.

Sorry.

My father was here in 1978. He told me of how Immigration would stop a man on the street if he looked "illegal". Looked "illegal".

It's 2010. Obama administration. Change. progress. yet the persecution. the fear mongering. the separation of families still occurs.

I want that Change Mr. Obama. Because so far i don't believe in what ever "this" is.

RIFA Movement Building Traning

2010-01-13T22:33:00.000-08:00

Prelude:
Almost nine hours in a car. We left at 1:30 headed to Oakland to pick up Ju, and then once there hit the 880 to the 580 to the 5...oooof. Traffic was intense until we hit the 5 and then it was smooth sailing from there. I took the week somewhere around Modesto and drove us in to beautiful downtown Los Angeles. Arrival time 10pm.

The training was held at the downtown Marriot Hotel (all i had to say was: Sup fancy), our room on the eight floor was sweet. I think i like this. Then I got a text from my buddy Gift "i'm here".

Gift, is one of the very first people that i connected with on DAP, yet he always had this aura of mysteriousness, at some point i even thought he might be undercover ICE. Through out the past year we have connected, since our experience has been very very very similar, same age, worked through school and now this. I had promised to meet him way back in april 2009. Finally it would become a reality.

The training would not start until Saturday at 9am, so I had told Gift i would be free to hangout friday. He and a buddy picked me up at the hotel and we went for a few beers, and some nice conversation. Once again i am amazed at the level of ease with which the transition from digital to analog contact occurs. Not an awkward moment, no weird silences; nothing but laughs and good times. We ended up going on a hunt for Kogi tacos (Korean BBQ taco truck...yes i know...there is a god). Overall the night was awesome, so i extend my biggest gratitude to "jack" for being such a cool dood and driving us around.
Back to the Hotel 3:30am.

Training:

I was not sure what to expect at this training. To be quite honest, i was a bit skeptical about it all. Being a bit burned out from some of the let downs from 2009. Yet i figured it would be great to add to my knowledge base of the movement and to meet and network with some great people.

I saw many familiar faces there, Matias, Kemi, Lizbeth, Erick and Benita (whom i knew only via electronic 1's and 0's). I also met a ton of new people (shout outs include): Cyndi, Jeff, Yohanna, Jose, Julieta, Carlos, Macrina, Ivette, Juan, Ivan,Italia, The Rosa kids, and many many more.

The first part of training was focused on the power of narrative, the power that our stories have to make people connect and join our cause. We broke off into smaller groups and shared our stories, then gave each other feed back. The regrouped in the conference room and a few of us were picked to share our stories. There was a powerful story told by a young lady who's name escapes my mind at the moment; she told of how eve with the barriers she faced she continued to go forward and get multiple degrees only to face the frustration of being unable to use them. I was also called to share my story, and as always i improvised and grabbed from by trunk of bits and pieces. This was the biggest crowd to date for which i have shared my story (120ppl) and it felt so liberating. The support for us was extraordinary.

The next part of the training focused on moving from a story of me to us, and forming strategy and goals. then focusing on specific skill sets that form the team. Overall i was impressed with the level of participation, support and attentiveness at this (my first) training.

I was satisfied to see so many people of so many backgrounds coming together to plan and start the movement to get just and humane immigration reform passed.

We left Sunday night at around 6:30, and even though i arrived at my apartment at 2:30 in the morning, i felt re-energized, motivated and calm

Back From LA

2010-01-11T11:25:00.000-08:00

I went to LA for a Movement Building Traning. Which prepares one to be an organizer in one's community. I met a ton of great people and even had tacos with some one i've been trying to meet for ages. More detailed post on this tonight.

Anyways, Im back and Energized

lost...will pay

2010-01-05T18:23:00.000-08:00

I lost my paper journal at a coffee shop last weekend. damn.

Ive been keeping a journal since 19, when i started working at McDonalds. Ive gone thru one per year. this was journal 8 - year 20.

Some where out there a person is reading my innermost rants, looking at my random sketches and wondering what the hell is wrong with this person jaja.

Anyhow. if you see a ragged old moleskin covered in news paper trimmings, give me a heads up ya?

Theres a reward for the emotional value of the content.

2010

2010-01-01T00:11:00.001-08:00

1989~2010?

2009

2009-12-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

OOF. that is how I can best describe this past year. OOF.

It has been a year full of hopes, excitements, and disappointments. It has been a year of discoveries and full of new faces. I has been a fast year yet it took its time in ending.

2009 made my anxieties worsen. It made me stress out. It marked the two year anniversary of my college graduation. it was the year i had to run away from a decent job, due to immigration status.

But 2009 brought me many blessings too.

2009 brought (to me) the inspiration to participate in the growing student led Dream Act movement. It gave me the opportunity to meet so many undocumented students who are fighting for their right to be regarded equal members of society.

2009 brought many friends, many of whom i've written about here.

2009 was the year of firsts in which i first flew to another state. first time i booked a hotel. first time i organized an event. first time i did a radio interview. first time i did a TV interview. My first Bike party. My first two bedroom apartment with an actual door. first taco de lengua (tongue taco). First Stanford (or any college ) tailgate. My first Activist retreat.

As 2009 comes to an end I am once again filled with anticipation. With the fierce adrenaline of hope that 2010 will be the year we have all been longing for.

Happy New Years!

Houston Texas - Flight number 416- Part 5

2009-12-29T12:31:00.001-08:00

Once inside the departure area, i walked up to a kiosk so i could check in, entered my ticket number and got the following..." Im sorry, your flight time is too close for you to be able to check in". shit. "run Gabriel", and i ran out and called her back. "i cant check in. i missed my flight. its ok. what do i do?"...she was calm "go to the airline and check the next flight, ill turn around in case you need me to pick you up".

The only humans wearing Continental Uniforms where at the baggage check in area, so i went up to one and explained the situation. I dont know how it happened, but the dood checking in baggage managed to print my boarding pass, "hurry" he said. I ran to the TSA line, ironic i think. Shit. the line was packed and moving slow. shit. how much time did i have? checked the phone. no signal.

Being an engineer and a math geek, i quickly calculated the rate of change (the derivative of the line movement in respect to time) and found that i was figuratively screwed. I did not have enough time to make it. I asked the lady behind me for the time, "8:43" she said..."why" . I explained my dilemma and she suggested that i talk to the TSA officer who was walking around...umm yeah...no. But before I knew it, the lady flagged the agent down, and i found myself explaining the situation to the TSA agent, whose only suggestion was to politely cut in line. Great.

I managed to move five people ahead, but when i reached the sixth and gave her my whole speech about being late, she said " WERE LATE TOO!" and that was that..."i missed my flight, i need to buy another ticket, crap another night at the hotel.."

As i turned to leave the line, i saw the TSA pointing in my direction, she was with a man wearing a suit. they both approached me and the man (who was some sort of manager i suppose) asked me for my ID and Boarding Pass. Inside i was shaking uncontrollably, outside i had to remain calm. "you're running late huh?" yes sir i told him. "come with me" and just like that he escorted me to the TSA line where the pilots go through. "Youve got about ten minutes hurry".

This time the lady TSA agent that checked my passport smiled, she had a UV light to scan my ID, and she asked me about my visit. I told her how it amazed me that it had snowed here and how awesome it had been. she smiled, "ok hon, have a safe flight".

I didn't even tie my shoes or put my belt back on after going thru the Xray and metal detector machines. I ran. I ran like the McCallisters from home alone. I ran for what seemed like 4 blocks to gate 29. I ran through the crowds and swerved to not hit people with my carry on bag, which now weighed a ton.

When i got to my gate i could not breathe...I handed my pass to the stewardess and she said "ok darling you made it". I was the last one on the plane. I called her to let her know i was alright. She cried.

It was there, on the plane, where it all hit me. The magnitude of what had happened and was still happening. I won't lie. My emotions got the best of me. I tilted my head back, took a deep breath and felt my racing heart.

During the flight back my mind was cluttered with thoughts, memories, ideas, songs and what not.

I fell in love with a beautiful fantasy. And i got to live this fantasy for four days. But fantasies end as reality welcomes us with open arms.

I grew a lot on this trip. I learned a lot as well. I learned that sometimes, you have to let fantasies be just that, fantasies. And I learned you have to let them go.

Houston Texas - Flight number 416- Part 4

2009-12-29T11:42:00.000-08:00

Everyone tells you that you should arrive at the airport at least 2 hours before your flight, so that you have plenty of time to check in and go through security and all that. So I knew we were cutting it close when she picked me up at around eight am (my flight being at nine). I loaded my things in the car, kissed her and then we got on our way.

Snow still covered the grass and buildings, and the roads were icy and slippery, so she drove slow and carefully. As we got closer to the airport, the knot in my stomach grew tighter. Our hands were clasped together.

One of the things i've come to realize is that Airports are confusing places, starting with the parking areas. There are so many signs, and one must stay on a particular lane or else you end up in another area, completely opposite of where you intended to be. We missed our lane, and with out knowing, somehow ended up in the wrong parking lot, and it took us about then minutes to realize this, since the elevator was so far from the car. Finally when we got off the elevator we saw that we were not in the departures areas, but rather the airline ticket place...crap.

She began to get worried, i could tell by the hurried pace in her step, so i tried to not show my concern that i had about 30 minutes to check in, get through TSA and board the plane. I've always thrived under pressure haha.

Once again in the car, we had to exit the airport and re-enter it. this time scanning every sign twice and making sure we were in the correct lane. then we saw the sign "Continental Departures"...she pulled up to the unloading area and we both got out. The knot was about to burst.

Einstein was right, time really is relative. As we drove around, the minutes were flashing by, and yet as we hugged in front of the departures entrance, every second was frozen in time. Tears rolled from her eyes. I wiped them away and kissed her once and again. "be strong. its ok, smile that pretty smile si?". I could not cry. "go" she said. "go. you are going to miss your flight".

Sometimes, the hardest things in life just happen. Letting her go was one of those. Looking back, and seeing her smile, while tears rolled down her checks. it just pierced me.

Houston Texas - Flight number 416- Part 3

2009-12-25T23:01:00.000-08:00

It was approximately 12:45 pm on December 1, 2009 when i landed in Texas. I was not able to see the city from the air due to the cloudy day. I waited till the people in front of me started to move forward, then i got my carry on and slowly walked out of the plane. My heart was racing, pounding, like it wanted to break free, out of my chest and explode. Slowly i entered the airport, took a deep breath and looked around...

Welcome to Texas Gabriel. The thoughts in my head are a bit cloudy. But i remember thinking, "holy shit, im not in California". First thing i did was step into the bathroom to wash my face and try to wake up. then i got my things together and walked through the airport towards the baggage claim area. If you were a person in that airport on that day, you could tell i was a newbie. Slowly i walked, taking in everything, from the small carts taking people to their gates, to the hurried pace of every one, and the bored looks on the shop cashiers.

I remembered i had been told i would go down some escalators, then would be immediately at the baggage claim area. So when i saw them i felt my heart rate go even faster, "is this normal?" i thought. There I was, on baggage thingy number 6 waiting. A few minutes passed and i started to get anxious, had i misunderstood? was in the wrong area? oh man why does one's mind race at the speed of light when fear enters. heart pounding.

Then I saw her. She had a green blouse under a white sweater, jeans and a concerned look on her face. I noticed that the incessant pounding of my heart had stopped. As i walked towards her she began to walk away, distracted, no doubt looking for me. I followed behind her for a bit, a sly smile on my face. Then she stopped turned and saw me. I smiled. She smiled. We embraced. She smiled. The most beautiful smile i've ever seen. "hello" I said. and we walked towards the parking structure.

There we embraced once again. I kissed her and hugged her tightly, as i felt her begin to cry. " its ok sweetie I'm here safe" i think i mumbled. She smiled and we got into the car.

The next four and a half days are a glorious blur. I met her family and friends. We went to the galleria, Ice Skated there and then had coffee at Agora. We went to NASA, where i nerded out and got sick in the process. We met Carlos and his son Caleb, the lil' Gansta. We had coffee with her parents and saw the Blindside (not so good jaja), we had Texan BBQ, What-a-Burger, Tapioca with Lidia and Juan. I spent hours chatting with her mom, getting to know her and learning about her and her family's struggle in this country.We went to college station, and visited Texas A&M (where she went to school), drove through the medical center in Houston, saw the Christmas decorations of down town and to top it off it snowed in Houston on Friday. I made my first snowman and had my first flight canceled due to weather conditions.

In short, those four days were amazing. I was essentially able to step out of my self, out of my reality and transport myself into something where I felt, well...normal. Like a normal 27 year old man, who was traveling and blessed with the company of some one very dear to him.

But like all fantasies, it had to come to an end. My flight was on Saturday (December 5th 2009) at nine in the morning. As i sat in my hotel room at 3 am, i thought " I will always remember this trip, this moment, these days, as the precise moment in time where my life in the United States changed. The moment where I began to start living."

With so many thoughts, sleep was hard to come by that night.

Houston Texas - Flight number 416- Part 2

2009-12-22T18:58:00.000-08:00

I approached the TSA agent with a smile on my face, set down my carry on bag and handed her my boarding pass along with my passport (which was opened to the first page). In the process i noticed my shaking hands so i cupped them together by my mouth, blew air into them and muttered "wow its really chilly this early huh". The TSA agent smiled back and nodded, then she looked at the two documents infront of her...and looked. Mere seconds must have passed but it seemed like a week took place. I tried not to be nervous while she checked off my pass with her marker. And just like that it was over. I had passed my first TSA security point, and i was on my way to Houston, Texas. I was really doing this.

What followed next may be mundane to the average traveler, but to me every step of the process was a new discovery. as if i had been abducted and was no walking through the alien spaceship. The Xray machine, the metal detector, the boarding area shops, the little TVs with your flight info.

Yeah, i know. But to me it's all about the little things.

I got to my gate and was the only one there. my body still tense and shaking as i looked out the window. My mind was racing. You may ask why this was such a big deal, going to another state, getting on a plane, ect. To me it was more than that. It was symbol of freedom, but also it was a sign of growing up. "Rite of Passage" said Mark, "like renting your first car". I booked the flight, i booked the hotel, i planned the trip. It was probably the most normal adult thing i have ever done in my life.

Alone with my thoughts, i waited as the minutes passed and more people arrived at the waiting area. Then they started letting people board the plane. A rush of adrenaline ran through my body, i got chills, the butterflies, stomach knots. you name it.

My seat area (or what ever) was called. I walked up almost like a kid about to pee, and began to board the plane. As soon as i entered i was greeted by a stewardess, who directed me a bit down to my seat. I told her i had no idea what i was doing since it was my 1st flight in ten years jaja.

She showed me to my seat, and helped me with my carry on. I was lucky enough that somehow i got a window seat, and after struggling with the seat belt, i sat down and looked out towards the dark airport landing strip.

The feeling inside is indescribable. It was a feeling of relief, of freedom. I wanted to run through the airport and run through that plane and yell at the top of my lungs. I am flying. I am going to get to travel. I am taking control.

It felt like i could finally breathe, even if for a while, after 20 years.

Houston Texas - Flight number 416- Part 1

2009-12-21T23:03:00.000-08:00

As I stepped away from this blog, I decided I was going to face some fears of mine. There are many things that I fear as an undocumented American, one such thing being the simple act of boarding an airplane.

In early November an opportunity came up where I was invited to Houston, Texas, to meet some one very special to me, along with some Dreamer friends I've met online. I decided I would go. That same week I booked my flight for December 1st to the 4th.

1999 was the last time I had flown. It was a pre Real ID 45 minute flight to Los Angeles. I was a senior in High School and I was able to use my school ID.

This time I would fly using my Mexican Passport, which obviously contains no visa. I would have to show my passport to TSA agents at the airport an hope that they don't decide to look past the first page. I was a bit encouraged by having heard stories from other students about how they fly with their passport (including my own younger sister Gina) with out any problems. Yet the fear lingered there, as i remembered the late night call from Ju, when he was stopped and questioned by TSA at Oakland Airport. Worse, I remembered the story that Aldo told me of how he was questioned by Houston TSA when he was flying back to California.

I had a whole month to dwell on these thoughts of encouragement and fear, both alternating like an emotional sine wave (shout out to math lovers!). "But I'm 27", i thought, " i NEED to do this". That was my logic, i need to take control of my life, let go of fears and begin to live. otherwise I will spend the rest of my life in regret. Always looking back.

"i NEED to do this" it was this thought that remained in my mind as i walked up the the empty TSA check point at SFO at 4:30 am on December 1st 2009. My hands shaking, my body tense, my mind focused.

i need to do this...

Immigration and Undocumented Immigrants 101

2009-12-21T18:44:00.000-08:00

This resulted from a facebook message (of all places) sent to me by an friend and old coworker. Even as I become more open with my status to others, there is still so much misinformation out there, that people who know me don't really understand what exactly it is to be undocumented. I Omitted the name of the person, for privacy reasons.

Also, please do not judge -----, as this person is a legal immigrant from Hong kong, for which English is a second language and who may not be so familiar with what is going on immigration wise in the USA.

" From: -----

i want to say something about immigrants and illegal...

According to my understanding from the post of USA Today, those people are really come to the USA illegally. However, they can't be blamed and deported like this because USA didn't stop these immigrants coming over illegally. USA should work hard on stopping illegal immigrants at the border instead of deporting them when they found out.

I don't know about the high school stuff, but those illegal immigrants can register to and graduate from High school...it's the USA's problem that they didn't require SSN. Do people need to pay for attending High school? If yes, these illegal immigrants are able to pay is lucky and good for the kids to be educated. Education is always the most important whereas nowaday's kids/teenagers are so rude and not respecting others. Especially there're so many single-parent families and parents are not allow to hit their kids when they're not behaving.

Sometimes it's hard to trust illegal immigrants will study/work hard. I personally sometimes don't like those just come to the States and get benefits without working. And some of them just keep giving births to babies and get benefits. Some of them even use the food stamps to buy valuable foods to eat...I heard of it like shark fins and all other expensive foods.
For those really want to stay here for study and work hard, I'll suggest creating a record and keep track of their status. If they do study well and work hard, they can stay since those are working have to pay the TAX. :D Childrens go to school have to pay for tuition fee...this should be one of the incomes for the State/Country?"

And here is my response:

" Hi ------ :)

Thanks for the opinions. Although i think we have some slight disagreements when it comes to this topic. I'm not sure if you are aware, but i am undocumented (or as you refer, illegal), I was brought to the US when i was 7, so i see a lot of the myths that are thrown around to describe people like me. I want to let you know that i did not cross the border, but rather came on a visa (which expired) as do the majority of undocumented immigrants. While i do agree with you that the US has to do something, i disagree on actuality of what should be done. I mean, the US Immigration System is broken and does not reflect the actual needs of this country, as such it should be reformed so that not only will it allow easier and more regulated movement of people, but also bring 12 million human beings out of societies shadows.

It is allowed for undocumented children to attend US public school (Supreme Court Case Plyler v Doe 1982), and you're correct education is very important. But unfortunately after high school many of these youths do not have the option (in some states) or money (in most states) to attend college ( about 65,000 graduate High School every year). Instead they have no choice but to go to work as gardeners, painters, waiters, ect. These kids want to continue their education, they want to study so that they can contribute to this country, which they consider their home like i do.

Another misconception that i wanted to touch base on was that of undocumented immigrants, babies and benefits. Yes undocumented immigrants have babies, but you are misinformed, because undocumented immigrants do not qualify for any federal assistance (like i didn't get financial aid for example). I do agree that immigrants (legal or not) that do not contribute to this country and are just a drain on resources should not be rewarded with food stamps, but in the grand outlook, it is only a small percentage that do so. the majority of immigrants (legal or not) are hard working people who want a better future for their families and who call this country home.

As an undocumented immigrant my self (one that has been here 20+ years) I do not consider myself a drain on society, i pay federal income taxes, state taxes and sales taxes. I paid for my entire college education (which is why it took me so long LOL :P) and have thankfully never had any problems with the law.

I do consider my self and the many other undocumented students (many who were brought as very young children), a lost opportunity for this country. We are being wasted on jobs that pay us minimum wage, and that dont utilize our skills and education to the fullest. Not only that, but if we were able to work in our fields of study we would make more money which really means we would pay more taxes (like 8 dollars vs 15, you pay more taxes). Which is why i am an advocate for the DREAM Act (http://www.dreamactivist.org/text-of-dream-act-legislation/general-faq/) which would provide me with a way to gain legal status (there is no other way to do so unless i get married).

Anyhow, I hope i haven't overloaded you with my points on this issue :P, it is a subject that is very personal to me. I also hope that if you did just find out about my status, it does not change the dynamics of our friendship.

Merry Xmas!

Gabe"

What Is an "illegal Student" USA today?

2009-12-17T19:45:00.000-08:00

this is a repost from my friends over at DreamActivist.org :

Would a truly reputable national newspaper use the N-word to describe African-Americans and say it is just "company policy?"

I doubt it. But that the USA Today has done something similar.

On December 15, USA Today ran an article titled “Groups try to delay deportations of illegal students," ((http://j.mp/5S9wMe) in which they called young immigrant students in the United States “illegal students.”

USA Today reporter, Emily Bazar (ebazar@usatoday.com), says she is just following company policy when she labels young immigrants without papers as “illegal students." See the email where she justifies her actions: http://www.dreamactivist.org/wp-cont...milyisdumb.png

Appalling, isn't it? But she blatantly avoids the issue at hand. I get the “illegal immigrant” euphemism because that slur is familiar. But just what exactly is an "illegal student?"

No human being can be illegal. Click on the link below to tell USA Today to stop competing with the archaic immigration system and drop the use of the word ‘illegal’ http://www.change.org/actions/view/a...legal_students

After Emily Bazar implicated that the use of "illegal immigrant" came from a webcast with representatives from NumbersUSA and National Council of La Raza, Lisa Navarette from NCLR came on record within a few hours to say that "'Illegal student" is not only wrong on substance and grammar grounds, it is just plain laziness on the part of people who purport to adhere to journalistic standards [...] We would never purport to tell anyone what to call themselves or define their identity for them."

I am asking you to stand up with me. Don't be afraid and do not let anyone label you, your family, friends, students and an entire community of disenfranchised people as "illegal."

Sign the petition directed at USA Today and spread the word
http://www.change.org/actions/view/a...legal_students

If you need more details, our blog post on this issue is here: http://dreamactivist.org/usatodayfail

If you can write about this on your own blog, copy-paste this to your contacts or make calls to the following people, that would be great as well:

Heidi Zimmerman
Director/Communications
7950 Jones Branch Drive, McLean, VA 22108
(703) 854-5304
hzimmerman@usatoday.com

Alex Nicholson
Manager/Communications
7950 Jones Branch Drive, McLean, VA 22108
703-854-5872
anicholson@usatoday.com

Back Again

2009-12-16T21:37:00.000-08:00

I've been gone for about two months. Reflecting, working and growing. But now as Immigration Reform is introduced into the legislative agenda and on the verge of the one year anniversary of this blog, i think it fitting to come back to the bloggosphere and return to my ramblings.

Now more than ever we need to ramp up our efforts to be heard. to say "hey! here we are! we exist, we live and breathe! and we need to be recognized".

So I come back refreshed and ready, to once again add my two cents on what it is like to live as an Undocumented American in the United States.

Hiatus

2009-10-19T22:15:00.000-07:00

Im stepping away for a while. I hope to have had some relevance in the posts i made. But enough has been said for now.

I'll be back.

Thanks for the support to all.

- Gabriel an Undocumented American Youth.

"Oh"

2009-10-18T12:58:00.000-07:00

The reason behind the Hermitage:

Jan. 2007 - Dinner at Pasta Pomodoro. time unknown.

"....i am undocumented"

she looks uncomfortable. Fiddles with her food. mutters "oh" with out looking at me.

1.5 years fizzle before me and she disappears in front of my eyes.

Current Events

2009-10-17T22:53:00.000-07:00

Just a summary of the weeks happenings:

Some say that tuesday the 13th is bad luck. Maybe. I used to be much more superstitious than i am now. It rained on tuesday all day. I woke up with a fever. thought "damn i should have gotten the flu shot". My single wisdom tooth was rocking the entire left side of my face. had to call in sick for work. Went back to sleep. Later that morning, i got up and with some dayquil and coffee worked on some much needed homework assignments. reading chapters on TCP/IP while organizing a phone conference call. call went ok, regardless. impulsive night.

Wesneday was not so good. Not enough sleep. Not enough restraint. Not enough peace.

Thursday was the anxiety attack. But with a bike ride, some stress was released. Went to the SCU Napolitano demonstratoin, were i ran into my buddy Ju. Met up with an activist friend and her group and marched. The adrenaline ran high. Left the action early to go to a midterm, which turned out to be canceled. met up with another activist and had coffee with her. Got home late and read Thoreau's "Life Without Principle" for the hundredth time. sleep

Friday after work i went to walmart, and found an LED rear bike light and a small biking backpack for my water bottles. Found my way to a Pollo Loco (where i once applied for a job) and once done got to the apartment. changed and got on the bike. It was a bike party friday. went alone but ran into someone i knew and rode with him and his buddies. 30 miles, 4 hours, 4000 riders. epic. walked around downtown. 3 am lights out

Saturday. not much going on. its been hot. Dreamactivist conference call, call with Ana about petition, movie with the sister, and a long walk. Now its time for bed

Word

2009-10-15T23:18:00.001-07:00

Surreal World

2009-10-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

I could not take it anymore. The pressure had built up through out the weeks, months, years. I sat at work, staring at the broken laptops in front of me. Hardware and screws and the automatic screwdriver spread out on the bench.

The flood gates were opened this year. All that raw emotion that had been suppressed is now pushing back, clamoring to be heard, to be let out into the light of day. To be acknowledged.

I kept thinking about how surreal it all is. It’d been tossing and turning in my head. I don’t feel any different, I don’t look very much different, and yet. After how many years does one cease to become a foreigner?

Then it starts, the parade of stories I’ve come to hear. Ed studying to work in the medical field is a line cook. Cintia with her two science degrees works at a pizza joint. Fernando, with a degree in music is a bus boy. Mina a with psychology degree that cant work other than fast food. Ju’s sister, who dropped out and works two restaurant jobs so that her brother can go to college. Gladys a high school senior who is top of her class and fears she won’t be able to go further. Mark. Maria. Kemi. Gina, Phiash. Herta, Aldo, Mohammed, Miguel, Fermin, Carlo, Gilbert, Beleza, Emmanuel, Seung, Claudia, Jose, Ana, Alejandra, Prena, Erik, Daniel. Gabriel, an engineer, who fixes laptops, wraps pallets and makes boxes. And it does not end.

It was too much. My trance was broken by the sounds of my supervisor speaking Mandarin to another employee. Chest heaving, hands with screws and tools, the sound of the trucks at the loading dock, fluorescent lights, beeps, smell of wet cardboard making its way into my nostrils, the ringing phones. It’s too much. It’s not real is it?

11:22am. I got up. Headed for the exit and walked out. The gray day greeted me.

I don’t know what I am going to do. I will probably be back to work tomorrow. Maybe I won’t. Don’t know if I’ll have the job. I really don’t care. I just wanted some air. Some time to re-think this fucked up reality.

Faithfully Remain

2009-10-15T08:34:00.001-07:00

"how long can you pray? and still not see a change? I...I....faithfully remain"

Get in line. then wait 30 more years

2009-10-14T18:11:00.000-07:00

My parents filed a family petition, in which my Aunt, the sister of my father, and a US citizen was sponsoring my father. My mother is being petitioned by her brother. Both included me and Gina in the petition as derivatives. this was in 2001. I was 19. Gina 13. We recently were told that the application would probably be done in 3-4 years. maybe sooner.

Which means it took, 12 years to process. which means Gina and I turned 21. in 2002 the Child Status Protection Act was passed. Here's some info on it:

The Child Status Protection Act (CSPA) was signed into law on August 6, 2002. CSPA was enacted to address the problem of minor children losing their eligibility for immigration benefits because they had aged-out or turned 21 years old as a result of processing delays on the part of the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services or the Department of State. US embassy

There had been on ongoing Class action lawsuit, stating that the government was not following the CSPA laws by maintaining my application age of 19.

Today, I got this news:

A federal judge has ruled that adult children who turn 21 while waiting for family-sponsored green cards have to wait anew once they "age out" of their parents' applications.
U.S. District Judge James Selna ruled in Los Angeles against a group of immigrants with green cards who sued the federal government, arguing a 2002 law means grown children should be allowed into the country when their parents file new paperwork on their behalf.

Friday's final ruling means the plaintiffs' children who became adults while waiting for processing must start the application process from the beginning. - Washington Post

So. My parents got in the famous line. My sister and I got in line with them. The government took 12 years to process our applications. We passed the golden age of 21. And now we find out that, nope. Get in the BACK of the line again, and wait. wait for another 13, heck 18, no 20 years.

Thanks for the ruling.

Signs of (Slow) Progress.

2009-10-11T16:46:00.000-07:00

The Obama Administration's approach to immigration reform have been lacking, to say the least. Yet in these few weeks there have been a few glimmers of progress. For example DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano announced that there would be changes in the way that non criminal immigrant detainees would be held. New idea: using renovated hotels and nursing homes (anyone else find the irony amusing? immigrants detained in hotels where they used to work).

According to Ms. Napolitano,

“Serious felons deserve to be in the prison model,” Ms. Napolitano said, “but there are others. There are women. There are children.”
These and other nonviolent people should be sorted and detained or supervised in ways appropriate to their level of danger or flight risk, she said. Her goal, she said, is “to make immigration detention more cohesive, accountable and relevant to the entire spectrum of detainees we are dealing with.” NY times

Then there was the somewhat good news that Mr. Arpiao himself would be stripped of his 287g powers, and could no longer conduct his brown immigrant witch hunt. I say this is some what good because in all honesty the man should be behind bars, wearing the very same demeaning uniforms that he forced many to wear. He should not only have had his "wings clipped" as the NY Times puts it, but rather he should have been removed from his post. Why? well judging by the following excerpt, the fact that the Federal Government told him he no longer has this power means absolutly nothing to a Patriot like Arpiao:

Either way, he and his supporters vowed to press on.
Andrew Thomas, the county attorney, appeared with Mr. Arpaio to voice his support and condemn the “setback in the fight against illegal immigration.” Mr. Thomas said, “The fight goes on.”
He and Mr. Arpaio suggested that deputies could use the state anti-human smuggling law to make stops and refer suspected illegal immigrants to Immigration and Customs Enforcement, though it was not clear whether the agency would take them.
If not, the sheriff said, “I’ll take a little trip to the border and turn them over to the border.” NY times

Last but not least was the announcement that The National Association of Evangelicals came out in support for Comprehensive Immigration Reform:

The National Association of Evangelicals' resolution, passed unanimously by the group's board of directors, recommends that immigration laws provide a path for the undocumented to eventually gain legal status, place a high priority on reuniting families and reduce backlogs of petitions in those areas. AP

It was but two years ago that I heard an evangelical Priest ask God to "protect us from these foreing invaders". Yes because God hates Immigrants. This from the National Catholic Reporter:

The Rev. Samuel Rodriguez, president of the National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference, commended the NAE for passing the resolution . "At the end of the day, immigration reform is an issue of justice firmly grounded on biblical truth," he said. -NCR

Some one should send the memo the the other Evangelical Priest and let him know religion now needs these "foreign invaders" too.

Oh! And soon (tuesday the 13th) Representative Luis Gutierrez and Congressional Hispanic Leaders, will present the outlines for a Comprehensive Immigration Reform bill that will be introduced.

Rep. Gutierrez. "Saying immigration is a priority for this Administration or this Congress is not the same as seeing tangible action, and the longer we wait, the more every single piece of legislation we debate will be obstructed by our failure to pass comprehensive reform." - luisgutierrez.house.gov

These are only small steps. However they are welcomed ones.

Bread and Butter

2009-10-11T16:38:00.000-07:00

I took a week off the internet to clear my mind off immigration stuff. The constant flow of information and the ease of access is scary. (side note: I read an article about a man who was homeless due to an internet addiction wow). A lot of things have been occurring just in the past week. Health care reform has been a bottle neck in our legislative agenda here in the USA, but that is slowly grinding down and activists for all sorts of movements are aching to get their cause taken up next. Immigration is no exception.

Now that my webcation is over, its been busy.

Met up with the Vice president of the Foothill College Latino club to talk about promoting the DREAM Act and organizing workshops. Participated in 2 conference calls this past week, and going to moderate another one on Tuesday. Thursday we are organizing a Mock Graduation at Santa Clara University, where the head of the DHS, Janet Napolitano, will be holding a forum. Trying to get some work done for DA.org as well as thinking about next weeks post and how to be a bit more formal when i post on dreamactivist. Looking forward to the movement getting organized soon.

A lot is going on. But much more is on the line.

Oh Canon I love you

2009-10-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

Finally got my Canon Powershot back from the Canon repair facility. I dont have a camera phone, so this is how i document what i see. Ive been aching to practice (since i cant afford film right now) with different settings and changing F-stops. Plus Bike party is this coming Friday and now i want to take pictures of my own.

Oh Canon repair man. I could kiss you.

Finally. some (not all of it) but some signs of sanity

2009-10-07T20:34:00.000-07:00

The New York times headline reads "Immigration Hard-Liner Has His Wings Clipped", I don't know that "immigration hard-liner" properly describes Arpaio, personally i think racist bigot is more suitable. However I'll look past that because as the NY times reports " federal officials had taken away his deputies’ authority to make immigration arrests in the field."

Mr. Arpaio's reaction was as expected:

That prompted an angry, rambling outburst from the sheriff Tuesday at a news conference at which he called Homeland Security officials “liars” and vowed to press on with his campaign, using state laws, against illegal immigrants. He said he would drive those caught on the streets to the border if federal officers refused to take them into custody.

Kind of like a kid throwing a tantrum. "If you wont give me what i want ill do it my way...wah wah."

Dinner with old friends

2009-10-03T21:40:00.000-07:00

2007:

Mr. Li tomorrow is my last day. his face grew serious. "what?" yeah. I got another job and they need me to start tomorrow. sorry.

And with that i left the warehouse where i had worked since 2003. from ages 21-25. The man had become a pseudo surrogate father figure (if that makes sense). But i was fed up. day in day out the same routine. it was mundane. and my work went unrecognized.

August 2007 was nothing but fear, guilt and anxiety. I quit my job. Idiot. now where to work? Goddamn impulsiveness. I graduate in four months. i need money.

I spent the month looking for work. frugality at its best. i applied at restaurants, bars, car washes anything.

Finally, one day while eating at burger king, i asked the manager if they were hiring. "yes" . application filled. hired on the spot.

I worked in that burger king four months. In the beginning it was 10 hour days. then school started and it went down to 8.

I ate dinner there tonight. Memories came and said hello like old friends:

The 4pm rushes, the dinner crowd, the constant flow of cars in the drive thru, mopping the lobby at midnight, cleaning the bathrooms and counting the money in my till. I remember some of the people. Don Carlos, Maria. While some i only recall their faces.

Four months that flew by.

Please Meet Ed

2009-10-03T10:10:00.000-07:00

This month, I want you to meet Ed from Las Vegas. His story is very Unique and Inspiring. I asked him to put it in his own words:

" I came to America at a very young age. Being from a third world country, everything I experienced in America; I was overjoyed. There were so many different cultures coming into one place. It was all new to me. I studied hard and got good grades throughout high school. I found interest in film, sports, writing, poetry and music. Although what I failed to realize was how severe my undocumented status was. This led me to being interested in the process of our government. In a way I was disappointed in myself, here I was an undocumented student, being in the country for almost 19 years.

It wasn’t until my 12^th year in an America; a sophomore in high school, did I even begin to show interest in my status. As a kid, I always thought it would get taken care of. I guess it was normal, for kids to feel that way. Most of us have parents or someone who will always be there through our adolescence. That was always the case with me. Although, I was always a kid that was fine with being on my own and breaking away from the high school stereotype. This was due to the fact, that I was already anticipating my life after high school and how it would differ from the rest of my peers. As negative as my situation is, one of the most positive things to come out of it was my general perception of life. I no longer cared about the materialistic things in life or what people wore or what they did. Did I care about if my clothes were better than theirs? Not really, I just cared on trying to better myself. It has been a long struggle and a lot of disappointment after high school.

I am now more focused on getting a degree in the medical field. While working at a local restaurant as a cook, to make sure I pay for my tuition and monthly expenses. It is a hard task, especially when I have to wake up two and a half hours before work just so I can catch the bus.

Gabe asked me why I rock? My answer is; I don’t rock, unless if it’s with others. In the same sense of a band, passing the Dream Act is a group effort and we need every single person to participate and show passion for it.

John Lennon once said ““A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.”

Throughout high school, I always had the passion for writing poetry. It was nothing along the lines of Shakespeare or even Edgar Allen Poe. As I am sure I will never be as a great as them, but I would say a little more contemporary, and more so like a song, as I was always obsessed with having my poems rhyme. I consider it creative writing that rhymes with unconventional sentence structure. Here is a poem written by me and how I have been feeling about being undocumented.

As I stare into space/

A name with no face/

A place, I want to call home/

Something, anything, I don’t want to be alone/

The world that I live in, is what I didn’t expect/

But I take it in stride, focus on what’s next/

Perplexed, on why I’ve been underachieving/

Because if you look at my past, you wouldn’t believe it/

That’s not an arrogant statement, it’s a picture I paint/

A stroke from my canvas, an artist disdained/

Every day I wake up, working minimum wage/,

I put a smile on my face, minimum dismay/

Being cautious, living life in the shallow/

A person in the back, just a mere shadow/

I could of gone many places, complacent/

But I’m left with a feeling so vacant/

It’s like playing catch-up, but suddenly my heart beats slow/

Everything’s flashing by, disappointment replaces ego/

I just want to succeed, I told god this/

Don’t place the burden on me, I am not it/

He probably thought I was strong enough to push through/

If I am, please just give me a clue/

I am at a loss for words, and everybody else wins/

I’m a patient man, but damn, it’s running real thin/

Despite the fact, I’ve been kicked and pushed/

Got off my back, with the will to move/

It’s ok to cuss and scream, “I’ve had it”/

I only look to progress, trying to kick the habit/

It’s crazy, this life we live/

How you can turn to negative to positive/

Through the anger and being depressed/

Made great friends in the same situation, that I would never second guess/

So if my light at the end of the tunnel is a little late/

I guess I can I blame it on one thing; Fate/ "

Bike Party.

2009-09-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

Its been slow progress, but i'm starting to finally thaw out and get out of my old anti social comfort zone.

I've been invited by acquaintances to join them at a monthly bike ride called Bike Party, in San Jose. Usually pass, since 1. im not in shape 2. out of my usual things to do list (its a short list jaja)

This past friday I opted against staying in on a friday and going to sleep at 11. I called up my buddy kevin and got on the bikes. I am so glad. the ride was an experience i wont soon forget. So many people, just out riding and having fun. Over 2000 riders across 24 miles in a span of four hours.

The breeze on my face as i rode, the worry free feeling of being young.

I cant wait till the next one

National Back to School DREAM Act Day of Action

2009-09-23T19:27:00.000-07:00

Today was the National Back to School DREAM Act Day of Action, united we dream and many other organizations got together to promote these events. In total there were over 120 events nation wide. From film screenings to petitions to marches and press conferences. Undocumented students and their supporters gathered the motivation to push once again for the DREAM Act.

It is September 23rd. 8 months after the new administration took place. more than a year since these words were said by the now President Barack Obama: "the DREAM Act, i believe, is something we can pass immediately"

some one please give me the definition that this administration has of Immediately

Granted there are other issues being taken on right now, but in all honesty, the amount of time it would take the people in Washington to enact the DREAM act is minuscule compared to Health care reform, Economic recovery ect ect. But the benefits it would yield to the undocumented students would be monumental.

Too bad immideately is not soon enough

Dream Graduation San Jose 2009

2009-09-19T15:09:00.000-07:00

Astronaut Speaks on Immigration

2009-09-18T15:57:00.000-07:00

Jose Hernandez worked in the fields of Stockton CA. He received a Bachelors Degree in Electrical Engineering. Went ton to get his Masters. He then became an American Astronaut. Now after returning to earth (and not having to show his earthling papers upon re-entry), he spoke out in support of Immigration reform. from the LA times:

NASA went ballistic when Jose Hernandez advocated legalization of undocumented immigrants in the U.S. shortly after his return to Earth. The California-born son of migrants isn't backing down.

After the shuttle returned Friday, Hernandez told Mexican television that he thought the U.S. should legalize the millions of undocumented immigrants living there so that they can work openly because they are important to the American economy.

Officials at NASA wigged out is more accurate.

the astronaut said he stood by what he had said earlier on the same program, advocating comprehensive immigration reform -- a keenly divisive issue in the United States.

"I work for the U.S. government, but as an individual I have a right to my personal opinions," he said in a video hookup from a Mexican restaurant owned by his wife, Adela, near NASA headquarters in Houston. "Having 12 million undocumented people here means there's something wrong with the system, and the system needs to be fixed."

He added that it seemed impractical to try to deport 12 million people

Mr. Hernandez an educated American Citizen, A latino who votes can see the common sense of immigration reform. He seems to understand the need for it.

I believe Mr. Hernandez would also support the Dream Act since it promotes education to young immigrant youth.

TV host Loret de Mola said viewers were flooding him with one question above all: How does a humble son of peasant immigrants manage to become an astronaut?

Hernandez, a father of five, cited two crucial factors: a good education and parents who forced him to study, who checked his homework and stayed involved in his schooling.

"What I always say to Mexican parents, Latino parents, is that we shouldn't spend so much time going out with friends drinking beer and watching telenovelas, and should spend more time with our families and kids . . . challenging our kids to pursue dreams that may seem unreachable," he said.

That Weight

2009-09-18T07:41:00.000-07:00

I've written about it before. That feeling of suffocation that grips me in the morning and refuses to let me go. Those mornings in which i wake up at 4, in a cold sweat, my heart racing because of anxiety.

They used to be few and far between. Maybe once every few months, but as time has passed they have become more constant. almost to the point where they are a daily occurrence. It's hard to describe this.

My eyes just open. the dim lit room feels surprisingly small. my chest is heaving, and there is pressure on its center. Like a hand that is pushing down. Sweat covers my body. there is a cold bitter hollowness that consumes me. i feel my body, especially my hands, shaking. My whole body becomes very receptive to the slightest touch or movement. my breathing is rapid. the loneliness is amplified.

It's obvious that this is caused by the stress my undocumented status bears. Mainly the fact that, my i have zero control over my life here (i know. i know. most would argue either i do, or that no one has control of their life). It is brought upon by the thoughts and subconscious realizations that i am in Pause mode. And that everything is contingent on some variable that is so far from being with in my control.

My biggest concern is that if when this ever passes and my status gets resolved, i will still have this weight that wakes me from my sleep.

License and Registration.

2009-09-15T22:44:00.001-07:00

I was tailed by a police officer tonight on the way home from school. It brought back memories. I wrote this in 2007. A day after it happened:

The words alone seemed to pull me under the car and beat the shit out of me.

Again…License and Registration…

Slowing time down, millions of different scenarios taking place in my head. Some seemed like scenes out of a bad film, others were darker and more somber. In those millions of thoughts there had to be the right one; the one that would help get me out of this jam in the least harmful way. But they were flashing by too fast.

One more time…License and Registration.

Now the world grew impatient, awaiting an answer. The words resonating in my head, while everything else was dulled by their magnitude. Still under the car, only now it was moving back and forward, slowly running its wheels over me over and over again, screaming, “give him an answer, answer HIM, go, think fast, moooove!”

Slowly the cop appeared on the side of my window; he looked my age, 30 tops. “Hello officer” managed to escape my lips. “License and registration please”, I looked over at Gina; she seemed frozen, eyes wide. Calmly I replied, “Here’s the registration”, hesitation, “I don’t have a license”. There, I said it, I admitted it in front of you, gave you what you fucking wanted out of me; aren’t you a lucky son of a bitch that had to pull me over. Smile, I told myself.

And with that this seemingly normal traffic stop turned into something more. A moment where I was diminished into a criminal, judged on the circumstances and not by anything else. “Well do you have any I.D.?” hands trembling I scoured my wallet to find the appropriate thing, my University I.D. “here you go officer”. Smile. Why are my hands trembling? Look over at Gina again. Still frozen.

The cop muttered something about me going to State, some sort of feigned interest; or maybe the realization that he had possibly fucked up. “Yeah, I’m actually graduating next month.” I wondered if he’d gotten his Justice Studies Degree from state, if I’d possibly passed him by on my way to class years back? “Do you have any other form of I.D.?” Shit. I do, but not the kind that I want you to see. Again I searched through my wallet, while from the corner of my eye looking at the cop as he followed my every move. In desperation I gave him my Bank checking card, it has my picture, it’s identification isn’t it? “Got anything else?” Another cop car drove past us.

Jesus Christ! My panic began to grow. Finally I thought, fine you win, you want to see some precious I.D. well here, I gave the cop my Mexican consular ID, the famous matricula, my yellow star, my apartheid card, my “yeah I have no legal U.S. identification” identification. Take it. “ I have this,” I said as I handed it to him, not bothering to look in his direction. Don’t smile. Don’t fucking smile.

“This is good,” the cop said, “I trust this more that your University I.D.” really? I would have though otherwise. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to my patrol car to make up some paper work and then ill bring your I.D. back”. Fine.

The patrol car’s search light blinded me every time I looked in the rearview, trying to see what he was doing, growing more and more frightened. I tried not to look at my sister; I didn’t want her to see me. The officer came back.

“The reason I stopped you was because the light above your license plate is out”. I didn’t believe that for a second. No, bullshit, you pulled me over because I’m driving a dirty ’91 Honda that has a rosary hanging from the rearview mirror and because I’m wearing a hat. No, not because my light’s out, but because you saw a wetback driving a car and thought that this would be a piece of cake traffic stop with no consequences on your conscience. You pulled over a stereotype and that’s all there really is to it.

“Oh” is the only thing that managed to slip past my lips. He continued, “Since it is illegal for you to drive with out a license in the state of California I will have to write you up for this, which will be a misdemeanor…” shit. A misdemeanor. “What about the light” I asked? “Well I won’t include it in the citation so that it will be a little bit less expensive for you”, thanks officer I appreciate it.

“ I’m also going to need your thumb print”, why? “You don’t have a valid federal identification, so…” I stopped listening and gave him my thumb, mumbling something about how long the misdemeanor would be in my record or some nonsense. That’s when I noticed something that seemed out of place, as I looked over to the inkpad the officer was holding I saw that his hands were shaking. Why where his hands shaking?

“Procedure is that I have to tow your car, but I’m going to go with my judgment and let you keep it” thanks officer. “I’m going to go straight to the stop sign and then make a left, what you do from there is up to you. Have nice night.” And with that he got in his car drove off like he said and the whole thing was over. I looked over to Gina, she was looking at me, we both asked each other if we were ok. Neither one answered. A few minutes passed as we sat in the car, still trying to figure out what the next step was; I didn’t want to drive Gina back to her dorm, much less back to my apartment. I looked at my sister, who was now on the phone talking with our parents, calmly trying to explain what happened. The engine of the car was off but the headlights were still on. I got out of the car, the cold wind wrapping itself around me as I walked towards the back of the car.

The red glow from the taillights covered my face as I looked at the car’s license plate; Gina came out beside me, “what’s wrong?” Nothing, nothing was wrong. That was the problem. As I stood there, covered in red, body shaking, although no longer from the cold, I saw that the license plate was fully lighted. “Lets go, we’re walking”.

Lean on you

2009-09-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

So far this year i Have met a wonderful group of young people who are faced with the same situation as I. Gladys, Prerna, Ju, Seung, Ana, Miguel, Mark, Alejandra, Beliza, Fermin, Perla.

It's so enriching to find with in this diverse group of people, a sense of community, and responsibility towards one another. We all come from different paths in life, different ages and different places. Yet our lives have converged on a single point, in a specific moment in time due to our lack of a formal existence.

The understanding of the specifics that make up our experience helps to form a special bond, where, even if there isn't 100% consensus on what we all like, or our views, we still can understand and offer support to each other.

I've said many times, one of the best things to come from my minimal involvement in the DREAM Act movement, is the ability to meet and spend time with fellow DREAMers.

Today I look forward to going to Stanford to meed up with Fermin, and spending time in San Francisco, just being two American Youths.

September 11

2009-09-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

It had been sunny the day before. That morning i woke to rain. weird. "Gabriel, there is something happening..." my mother called from the living room. I begrudgingly got up, and walked over to the television. What i saw next was surreal, and it changed the nation and the immigration discourse for ever.

I called Tony. yo you watchin this? "yeah....i think Nicole was one of the planes..." what? no man dont worry all the planes are grounded, it will be fine.

Glued to the television, scared for what was happening. refusing to register fully. this is a dream, a bad one. wake up.

Phone. What time is it? "hey... Nicole's plane crashed in PA..." what... " yeah, she was flying out of boston..."

Undocumented or not. 9-11 touched me. Nicole, Tony's step sister, had sat in front of me during algebra 3-4. I let her copy from my notes. I said hi when i spent the night at Tony's. A year older, she was a senior.

In a moment of fear, hatred, and heroism her life was taken from us.

Economies of Scale

2009-09-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

My supervisor taunted me with a raise back in late may. 8.5 to 9.5 that's an extra 200 dollars a month, which would help.

All this week he told me, dont worry, it will be reflected in this check. I opened the check. Pay Rate. 8.50. This is what it adds up to: 1061 per month.

460- rent
20 -utilities
120 -gas
45- phone
80-credit card
45- car insurance
75-food
100-random (car light bulb, toiletries ect)

comes up to : $945.
Leaving about $116.

My Debt: $3500 (school, overdraft, ect)

As a side note- Total i Leech from society:
Hospital costs: 0
Student loans, fed aid ect. :0

Do the math alipac.

Legalize LA- more companies should follow suit

2009-09-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

Just ran into this, over at American Apparel , the company came up while me and my father were having dinner, i was unaware of their stand on immigration reform. One quick google search and here we are. It even seems they can see the pragmatism behind such legislation such as DREAM act.

Recently due to an ICE probe American Apparel had to layoff thousands of its employees. Here's what founder and Chief Executive Dov Charney wrote in a letter to the laid off employees:

"Many of you have been with me for so many years, and I just cry when I think that so many people will be leaving the company," he wrote. "It is my belief that immigrants bring prosperity to any economy." - LA times

The following is a small snippet of the Legalize LA section of the American Apparel site.

Legalize Today! A note from a friend
07/16/2009
Strong Voices

"I Dream American's Dream, My name is M, I grew up in beautiful Venice, California. Welcome to the neighborhood! Back in 1988 I was brought to the United States from Mexico. I was 4 then and I'm now 25. I am "an illegal" but legally I'm just undocumented. I am American as apple pie. I've earned a B.A. in Sociology from The Humboldt State University where I also played American Football. Despite my qualifications and preparation to become a productive member of society, I cannot legally work. This land is home to me for the same reason it is home to opportunity. The reason I'm writing you today is because I would love to work with the Legalize LA campaign. I am a valuable asset to the campaign. I can give speeches, work on different ways of advertising and marketing the cause. I have numerous ideas on ways to get the truth about my situation out to the whole country. I will need your help. Your company is classy, your product is clean, and you're respected. The people of the United States must understand my people to be the same. Together we can reform immigration in our country.

Sincerely,
M

It is very encouraging to see such progressive thinking on the part of a company, which continues to push for humane immigration reform.

Un poco de vida (a little bit of life)

2009-09-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

Things have been gradually changing in my life. I started School on tuesday. Taking a computer networking Class, which prepares one to be certified by Cisco Systems (CCNA). Pretty regular nerd stuff, IP addresses, routers, binary code ect. Its nice to be back in the class room. feels like im working towards something again. Rather than aimlessly navigating.

Also been almost 2 months since i moved into the apartment. So far its great. cooking with Kyle, sleeping in my bed (not a couch). having some privacy. Granted, it still gets lonely sometimes. there are days where it's hard to wake up and get out of bed. But it's getting better.

Getting somewhat more involved with DREAM actions. Going to be handling some conference calls for a while, and managing data for DreamActivist.org . Starting to plan another action. I feel good about actually getting more involved this year than before.

Met our neighbors. Most are college students. one Guy Yao is like the apartment guru, he always knows whats going on and says "hello". Kinda nice to have around. Our next door neighbors are three sorority girls. Which might not be so great, having parties every thurs~sat, but they seem nice enough. On Monday they invited me to a party, with their sorority and their brother Fraternity.

I figured, it's first friday's (art show) ill do that, then swing by. I never had a full college experience, so i think ill go to my first frat party as a 27 year old college grad. I hope i can still hang haha.

It's nice though. To slowly thaw out of my self imposed hermitage.

Morning on the city freeway

2009-09-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

Worst Person of the week?

2009-09-01T00:34:00.000-07:00

This douche bag:

Carl Braun, over at the San Diego Examiner. Reason he is a douche bag and WPOTW? because of his pushing of misinformation on his article (although towards the end there is a twist?):

Since when does Immigration Reform mean Open Borders and Amnesty?

They emigrated here about 100 years ago, legally through Ellis Island and staked their claim to the American Dream. They went through incredible hardships to get here and continued to work hard to become Americans

"legally" which meant at the time, being disease free and signing an X after arriving on Ellis Island. Nice Mr Braun. We should revert to THAT immigration process then, where do i put my X sir?

As for hardships? I and my peers have had none. And i barely speak English so it seems i'm not working hard enough to become American.

Illegal Immigrants come here because they simply want to and they cannot or will not do it the LEGAL way. It really is very simple. Millions get in line to do it properly every year. Illegal immigrants have NO RIGHT to be here. Granted, the system is messed up (thanks again Teddy) but violating it is really no different than saying you don’t like the price of the food in the grocery store so you’re just going to walk out the door with the product without paying for it.

Well, at least he acknowledges the system is messed up. Now if he could only get his brain to figure out that there is No line to get in. Baby steps i suppose.

While we are at it, fix the system, deport those that are criminals and give everyone else that are not supposed to be here a choice, leave or prove WHY you should stay? What are you contributing to our society? Did you commit any other crimes in America, other than crossing the border illegally? If not, let’s take a closer look but no guarantees.

No, it is not possible in my opinion to deport all twenty million plus illegal aliens nor should we. Many have been here for decades, made a solid contribution to our country and are otherwise law-abiding residents. If the tables were turned and Mexico gave Americans a green light to come aboard for all the benefits and opportunity you can bet your bottom dollar some Americans would have done it even though it may have been illegal. Doesn’t make it right but it would have happened nonetheless. We should however deport every criminal we get our hands on and properly secure the border so they cannot get back in. This is critical.

Interesting...this sounds kinda like something called...Comprehensive Immigration wait for it... REFORM.

Oy VEY

In Seven Days You Can Help Defeat Anti-Immigrant Bigotry

2009-08-31T19:23:00.000-07:00

I ran Across this great post by Eric Ward over at imagine 2050 . Eric provides six online actions that each of us can take to counter the Anti Immigrant hatred found in the media and online. I urge All of you to take a minute to click on the link below and read this great post.

In Seven Days You Can Help Defeat Anti-Immigrant Bigotry

"Time is of the essence and we should use it wisely. Instead of writing what I think of anti-immigrant bigotry I’ve decided to use this week to take action. Below I’ve outlined an action for each day of the week. You can take a bite out of bigotry in less than five minutes a day! Let’s all join together and redeem the soul of America!"

“I felt like such a foreigner”

2009-08-31T19:13:00.001-07:00

The text message stayed in my mind all afternoon. I had received it earlier in the morning. It was sent by my sister Gina, who is currently in Washington DC, studying at American University as part of an exchange program.

A foreigner. Gina who has been in this country since she was 14 months old. Months. Gina, who graduated Valedictorian, ran cross country, Interned at a bank, and goes to Santa Clara University. A foreigner. Gina, who danced ballet, who is a major in American Politics, who as a child loved macaroni and cheese. A foreigner.

This thought just doesn’t check in my mind. It’s like I am trying to place a cube block into a circle slot. It does not make sense no matter how hard I try.

What can I tell her? That this feeling of being an outsider will pass? That the nagging feeling, the one that tells you don’t belong anywhere, is temporary?

Should I tell her that as you get older, and the more marginalized you become, the worse it gets? How it seems as if more and more you are becoming detached from the culture you grew up in, the culture you love, only to be left with a muddled identity crisis?

How do I tell my younger sister, that despite the fact that she feels 100% American, she will never be 100% American?

I can’t

“Thanks to this shit, we feel like outsiders everywhere. It’s not you”

Mind Numbing

2009-08-31T19:11:00.000-07:00

About one year ago I moved back to San Jose. I had gotten a call about a job prospect the night before, and drove up that following morning. The “interview” went well. “Do you speak English” yes. Ok you’re hired.

It was a warehouse position, and there were a total of four of us hired. A guy my age Just in from Guadalajara, A man in his 40’s from Mexico City, a 30 year old drunkard from god knows what part of Mexico, and a 30 something Ex -Con USC from San Jose.

The job was to last two weeks. It consisted of packing 40 pound SAN servers into cardboard boxes and then loading the boxes into stacks (2 wide x 8 high) on pallets, wrapping and tying the pallets and loading them into trucks. One person, one pallet. This was the work, and it was done from 8am to 6pm. Non stop, except for the 30 minutes we got for lunch.

While we worked, the four of them chatted, the older gentleman from Mexico City talked about his days as a carpet cleaner in Sunnyvale, while the guy from Guadalajara told us how he was a taxi driver back “home” but gas prices were killing his work. They asked about me. I was vague and rude. “Where are you from?” I’m from San Jose. “Why is your English so good?” I’ve been here a long time. “What do you do?” I work and you should too.

At first I would try to keep my mind busy. I spent my time thinking about derivatives, physic problems from the past or trying to look at the manufacturing process on the floor and see what I could improve. I even attempted to read my old text books at lunch time.

Yet I grew angry. At them. For coming here. For making the choice to cross, while I had no choice. At the ex-con. For taking his birthright for granted. At me. For slowly letting go. Towards the end of the two weeks, I was resigned. If this was what I was going to do, be a warehouse day laborer, a mojado, a wetback. Then so be it. No more shaving. No more worrying about how I looked. No more thinking. Just work. Keep your head down. and take it.

But it’s hard.

It’s hard because I am not a mojado. Because I did not make that choice. Yet I don’t feel American. Because I am only partially recognized by the country I love. So what am I?

this brings us to my next post.

Couch

2009-08-31T18:14:00.000-07:00

We Got a couch. Yes. life is good sometimes.

DREAM Act should become real as soon as possible

2009-08-30T15:45:00.000-07:00

Reposting an Article By the Tricity Herald editorial staff

"Imagine you are a child and your parents tell you the family is moving.

You may not want to go, and you probably don't fully understand why your parents want to leave in the first place.

But what choice do you have? You're just a kid.

So you go with your family.

Years later, you discover your family entered the country illegally. You also realize you and your family could be deported at any time.

But you've grown up in this new country. You've made friends. You've gone to school. You may have joined the school band or sports teams or even been elected class president. This is your home.

So you continue on and find a way to go to college. It's expensive and you make sacrifices, like nearly all college kids do, but for you there is no guarantee it will be worth it.

Sure, you can get the degree. But will you be able to use it?

Probably not.

This is the predicament for hundreds of young people, who through no fault of their own have an "illegal" status.

Comprehensive immigration reform is a huge, controversial issue that is likely to stagnate for years.

But there is a piece of it that could be sliced away to help these young people.

It's called the DREAM Act and it needs to become a reality as quickly as possible.

Under the DREAM Act only certain people who meet the criteria would qualify for conditional permanent resident status, meaning they could stay in the country legally for six years.

During that time, they would be able to work, drive and go to school on the same terms as other Americans.

They would not be eligible for Pell Grants or certain other federal financial aid grants. But they could apply for student loans and federal work study programs.

After the six years, they would be granted unrestricted permanent residency status as long as they didn't commit any crimes and didn't take lengthy trips abroad. They also must have either served in the U.S. armed forces for two years or graduated from a two year-college or vocational school or spent two years studying for a higher degree.

This proposed legislation is narrow enough to apply only to those illegal immigrants who entered the country as children, attended school and are on their way to becoming model citizens.

To qualify, the children must have entered the U.S. before their 16th birthdays and have lived in the country for at least five years. They need to have a high school diploma or its equivalent, or been admitted to college or some other institution of higher education.

Critics will say the DREAM Act is an end run around immigration reform. But it really isn't. It applies only to certain individuals who were too young to know they were breaking the law when they entered the country.

Some critics also might say the DREAM Act will attract even more illegal families to the United States. But that's not a certainty.

There are a variety of reasons people try to sneak into the U.S. Primarily, it's to find work.

And they usually get it.

They work in the fields and the factories and in menial jobs for low pay that most other Americans aren't desperate enough to want.

The United States has created a net of problems by not enforcing its immigration laws, and innocent children end up getting tangled in an unfair and flawed system.

U.S. laws are ignored to keep a cheap labor force. The country then welcomes all children into its education system.

We use tax money to educate illegal immigrant children through high school, allow them to earn college degrees and then offer no way for them to stay in the country legally. Should we send them away so another country can reap the benefits of their knowledge, skills and talent?

Where's the sense in that?

For most of these illegal students, going "home" means going to a country where they feel like a foreigner. Many don't have a support system to help them, as their family has moved away.

And if they are deported or voluntarily return to their homeland, under the current law they must wait 10 years to apply to re-enter the United States. Then they are put on a waiting list.

For the most part, these students are exactly the kind of hard-working, determined young citizens the country needs. Their lives shouldn't be put on hold because they were too young to know they were breaking national laws.

The DREAM Act would help them achieve their goals, and it would help keep the U.S. from wasting its educational investment.

Washington's two senators support the bill. U.S. Rep. Doc Hastings told participants at a recent town hall meeting that the issue ought to be part of a comprehensive reform package.

Immigration laws are in desperate need of an overhaul, but these deserving young people easily could grow old waiting for that to happen.

This is a piece of immigration reform that is doable. Hastings and the rest of Congress should get behind it."

worst (or best?) person of the Month

2009-08-29T21:50:00.001-07:00

Wow.
It seems that King Minuteman Mr Gilchrist is thinking its not worth being "patriotic" a racist any more

But Minuteman founder Jim Gilchrist said he doesn't hold much hope for the movement, especially from what's left of his group after years of infighting.

"The Minuteman movement has lost its mojo because of all this delusional mentality that has gotten into the movement… In our side of the argument they are all attacking each other," Gilchrist said, alluding to his legal wrangling with Coe and other former allies -- some who have formed new groups.

The slow disintegration of the Minutemen, he says mirrors the movement in general.

"I think amnesty will pass," he said. OCregister.com

Educators For DREAM Act

2009-08-29T08:48:00.001-07:00

Learning

2009-08-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

Everyone makes mistakes. No matter how perfect or in control they may seem. Mistakes are a fact of life.

I've made many in my life. Some big, some small, some old, some recent. The thing about mistakes is that they are opportunities to learn and grow.

So for the time at hand, I will head forward and analyze the mistakes I've made. So that they will turn into lessons and result in growth. Hopefully I can learn from them this time so that they may not be made in the future.

One Summer Monday

2009-08-26T18:48:00.000-07:00

It's August, and there is a slight sliver of Autumn in the air. My favorite time of the year. At work I kept thinking about tons of things: life, distance, math, Thoreau's "life with out Principle", relationships, my annoying MMA obsessed 21 year old coworker, and the new road bike waiting at home.

I only had a few customers to deal with today and was even offered a cup coffee by one who lives in Austin Texas, because i found a way to back up her files on her corrupt Hard drive. I decided to take it easy, since it'd been a long and busy weekend. Pacing myself on my daily work tasks which consist of mindless data entry, repairing countless units, helping the warehouse, calling the shipping discrepancies ect.

As i though about registering for school, the work bell rang (yes we have a bell, it's that "charge" tune) and i ran to the door like a middle school kid on a Friday afternoon. On the drive home Traffic was not unbearable, and I felt the sun in my skin, warm and welcoming. I knew right away it was going to be a bike ride day.

it took 30 seconds to get to the apartment, get my bike out and get on the road. The breeze in my face, and the feeling of freedom and relief. Still not used to the road bike and how it handles, but i made my way amongst the crowds of students on the SJSU campus. All of them weaving and scurrying to get to class.

Like a ton of bricks, nostalgia hit me. I stopped, got off the bike and went into the student union. I remembered how at night i would come here in between by 5-7pm and 8-10pm classes and do homework, eat dinner (homemade tuna sandwiches) or if i was fortunate take a nap on those most comfortable long benches.

walking with my bike, i went past the engineering building. Students walking to the elevators in the lobby, going to their classes or labs. i stepped in for a sec. Just to smell the building again. It smelled the same. Ah the scent is a combination of a hospital, movie theater and books.

Back on the bike. riding back home. I though "next time, do not, do not ride through campus" too emotional.

The room mate greeted me, "hey asshole, i got some wine, want some?" i had a glass. It was cheap 2 dollar wine.

felt ok.

Later that night/next day i had another 1.5 glasses.

Our narrative

2009-08-26T18:44:00.000-07:00

Found this link on a DreamActivist post. Thought it interesting. A citizen from Tennessee and the take on Undocumented Students and the power of their narrative :

And, America, these kids believe in us–that, if we knew, we would not do this to them.

But I don’t believe that. I think we do know and we do it anyway.

And I find that so upsetting.

To put it mildly.

blank.

2009-08-25T01:41:00.000-07:00

It's almost two A.M. on august 25th 2009. I'm sitting in bed, thinking of everything and nothing. thoughts are flashing in and out. won't let me rest. Mainly about how things often turn out, and how we as people sometimes aren't strong enough to endure them.

It seems ages, when i first started talking on DAP. A group of us. optimistic about the future. about our lives. DREAM. Making plans. road trips. flights. visits. laughs.

Time's gone by. things have changed. people come and go. promises made. agendas changed. Loves that have come. friends made.

Friends with an unspoken bond. an understanding. and a respect. It seems ages, when i met Mark. when our transition from digital to human occurred. Since then, four times. each making that bond stronger than the last.

Funny how things work out. As strange as it sounds. I met a person on an online forum and now consider him one of my closest friends. And as he moves to another state to go forward, i cant help but feel a sadness in my heart.

still i'm thankful. that despite this fucked up reality we both live in. some how two American foreigners were brought together by their lack of an identity.

Mark. If you read this. I wish you the best brother. you are truly someone i look up to. for having such courage to take your life into your own hands.

Please, remember me Happily

2009-08-25T01:38:00.000-07:00

For 18 yrld me

Death panels and Illeeegals

2009-08-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

Background for the story: I work at a "shady" repair center. it is a 3rd party repair facility, not owned by the original product manufacturer. I recently got promoted to "customer service rep" (at a whooping 8 dollars...still) because I am the only non Chinese worker, and speak English. this is an actual phone conversation:

Hi (insert repair center name here) this is Gabriel speaking, how may i help you?

"yes hi I am looking for (co worker name) is he available?"

Oh im sorry ma'am, he is out on lunch, he should be back in about ten minutes, can i help you with something?

"oh well i wanted to speak with (co worker), but can i stay on hold with you, i cant hang up i might not get signal again"

ok

-Customer then proceeds to inform me she is 67, from South Carolina and that she cannot get on the internet with her laptop. i help her trouble shoot her wireless connection and get her back online.

"thank you Gabriel"

-she then proceeds to chat with me about random things. And the conversation takes an awkward turn.

" Gabriel, do you know what is going on in this country right now?"

errm. no ma'am

"well this president is trying to make our country in to a nazi state. have you heard that they want all seniors to register for voluntary euthanasia training?"

(oh man) oh wow, no ma'am im not really too up to to date with the news

"yeah, it is a shame, we need to fight this. Did you hear about the energy proposals?...i would have to buy a new house!"

-this goes on for about five minutes

"and the worse part Gabriel is that it's not only this president. But the Illegals are ruining our country too! they just keep on bringing their diseases and gangs...."

( i kinda zone out)

errm ma'am?

"Gabriel, i want you to email me so i can keep you in my mailing list and send you information about these issues"

I can't give out my email ma'am it's against company policy. but (coworker) is back if you wish to speak with him.

- Yikes

The Choice

2009-08-16T15:15:00.001-07:00

It is on my mind. I can't get it out. It will not leave my consciousness.

Marriage.

My father came home from a visit to the lawyer. "so if you got married, it would be only 3 months before you got your Social and conditional residency."

"It would have to be real"

yeah. i know.

My cousin met a nice man, fell in love and married. I know of a Dreamer in texas that married his college sweetheart, they are now having a baby and he is an Petroleum Engineer and a USC.

I was never big on marriage. And i haven't had a normal dating life.

Marriage.

Three months. that is 1.25% of the amount of years i have lived in the US.

In the words of Eric

2009-08-16T15:07:00.000-07:00

From over at Just A Random Hero:

The frustration comes from feeling so powerless and out of control.
Not in control of my life and not in control of my circumstances. Ohh
how I long for the feeling of normalcy. To not know what I know and be
oblivious to that which is outta my reach. Window shopping is never
fun. Neither is living your life that way. Bleh.

We are not alone in our feelings of despair and fear.

Meet Herta Llusho and help stop her deportation

2009-08-15T15:06:00.000-07:00

Please meet Ju

2009-08-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

I first met Ju during an immigration rally, back in January (the day after Obama's inaguration). We had initially started talking online at DAP, and he was interested in joining the efforts of the rally. Although we'd never seen each other face to face, I felt a great respect for this young man as we marched side by side. Ju screaming "si se puede" in flawless Spanish.

Ju is from Korea. He was brought here (along with his sister) at a young age by his single mother, to escape the financial crisis of South Korea. He is a tall and lanky young man, with a deep voice and a mischievous grin. And although he seems jovial and goofy, one look into his eyes will tell you that this young man of 20 carries a great weight and sadness.

The more time I've spent with Ju the more i get to see how tenacious and focused he is. He set his mind on becoming the Student Body President of his college, and he was elected. Recently he was chosen for a very competitive undocumented student internship. He goes to school full time, and yet finds ways to make time to advocate for undocumented youth. Not long ago he told his story to Speaker Nancy Pelosis's aides and staff.

What amazes me most about Ju is his selflessness. On the drive back from a recent outing to Stanford, Ju told me the story of how he began to cry as he told his story in the offices of Pelosi. He said he was so choked up he almost couldn't talk.

"But i had to man, I mean i need to tell my story for those of us who cant."

There was one part of the conversation that stuck with me. Ju was telling me about the other fellow undocumented students who spoke. How some only had one meal a day, of rice and bread and then Ju said, "I am lucky, I can have two meals, even if sometimes I am still hungry."

Please help Ju
Please Help Undocumented Students
Please call your congress people and senators and ask them to pass the DREAM Act.
Not in 2010, Not in 2011 but NOW

Holding on

2009-08-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it becomes hard to let go. We cling to an idea, to a fantasy, to a feeling and refuse to see the reality behind it. Even when everything is pointing to how improbable and how illogical it all is, we still stubbornly cling on.

I've been clinging on. holding on to a feeling for the past two months. Refusing to face the reality. Don't get me wrong, I see it. I see the logical side, the pragmatic path, but i have (been up to this point) reluctant to take it.

Maybe it was my fear of loneliness, or insecurities, or who knows, that kept me attached to these feelings. Strong feelings that no matter what, refused to let go. But it has slowly become clear that it is no longer healthy to continue this way. I must let this pass, I must learn from it, i must let it heal, i must let go.

My friend Ana put it best

"endings are beginnings"

Broke ass

2009-08-13T22:37:00.000-07:00

I have 74 dollars in my bank account. I love being undocumented. day to day survival is character building.

For the record i would not object to a tax increase if i made an engineer's salary.

Yay. friday

Day Dream

2009-08-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

Back in the year 2001, i would commute to work one hour and a half with my father from San Jose to Los Banos. I was going to a local community college in los Banos at the time, and so on the drive back i would be doing my homework so that as soon as we got into town i could grab a bite and head to class.

During these drives, i would often look out the passenger side window and drift off into a nice day dream about the future. My future as a successful engineer, with all my undocumented issues gone. I would picture myself coming home in my BMW 323, to a 2 story town house and cook dinner while the TV was on. In retrospect these dreams where all materialistic, and not to substantive. But they were just that dreams. hopes for a better future and a better lifestyle.

As i got older, my priorities began changing. I realized that i don't want to be consumed my material needs as much as i used to, and that i don't want to be stuck in a lab from 9 to 9. However the hopes of me exercising my degree have not faded, i just want a bit more than money.

So now, when i get the chance i day dream that i will be a great math teacher, inspiring youth to pursue careers in in science and engineering, or just to follow their dreams. I dream of being able to travel to different countries and immerse myself in the culture, months at a time. I see myself, in a modest home, and with a family. My past finally behind me and my future bright ahead of me.